by Lynsey Farnsworth

Created on: June 02, 2010

Sometimes it can be hard to figure out when she went from being the little baby in your arms to the strong, independent-minded teenager standing before you. You find yourself realizing you have no idea what her favorite color is (although you know it is no longer the shade of pink you once painted her room), who her best friend is, or what kind of music she is into. Does she have a boyfriend? Does she have an interest in college? What kind of books does she read? Who is this girl standing before you, and where did your little princess go? To find the answers to questions like these, a great solution is father-daughter date nights. Though she may be resistant at first (after all, as a teen it is her job to be obstinate), she may be craving this relationship fix just as badly as you are.

A good thing to do is to start off slow. Take her somewhere where she is guaranteed to have a good time, and perhaps where the focus is not entirely on conversation. The movies are always a good place to start. Allow her to pick the flick, but tell her that next time it is your turn. Use her choice of movie to determine what kind of movies she likes (is she interested in horror films? Chick flicks?) and try to cater the next movie date towards something she will still enjoy, even if it is “your pick.”   

Make sure the time spent is one-on-one time. You may be tempted to invite her mother, sibling, or friends just to ease the awkward pressure, but don’t. Use this time to grow a closer relationship with your daughter, not your daughter and her best friend.

Allow her to give input. At first, you may be tempted to leave her out of the decision making, figuring she will suggest the mall or something else you don’t want to do. So what if she does suggest the mall? Take her to the mall and window shop with her. Use the time to ask simple, friendly questions about school or music. If she seems to be in deep lust with an item, say a shirt or a pair of shoes, offer to buy them for her. Tell her you’ll take a rain check on her giving you something you want. However, do NOT use buying her things as a source of bribery. Giving her what she wants will not fix your relationship in any way.

Do something physical together. Go paintballing or to a laser tag facility. Have a physical, competitive game in which the winner gets to name their prize. Just be sure to let her know her prize has to cost less than $20.

Opening the communication channels between father and daughter is never simple, especially if they have been closed for long amounts of time. Be sure to be patient and work diligently, and allow the issues to slowly correct themselves. Do not fear her rejection, because nothing ventured is nothing gained. She may be resistant at first, but give it time and effort and you will slowly see a turn around.

Learn more about this author, Lynsey Farnsworth.
Click here to send this author comments or questions.