by Connie Sue

Created on: June 02, 2010   Last Updated: June 03, 2010

A working definition to insecurity is the lack of confidence, an emotion based upon doubt in one's ability. Dictionary.com (http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/insecurity) includes in this definition vulnerability, shakiness, the state of instability. Insecurity is an emotion created by thoughts. These thoughts may include self-incrimination when making a mistake, plaguing thoughts filled with doubt bringing a sense of inability to cope, function, think, or any other action. Repeating phrases like “I can't...” keep the sense of insecurity alive and creates a wall between you and the world.

Insecurities include feeling unable to have a healthy relationship, care for oneself in face of unemployment, divorce, loss of a loved one, including pets. Phrases like “I cannot go on without him/her, it...” continue to feed the insecurities. With the world events it is easy to feel insecure, to doubt the ability to protect self, home, and loved ones. Acts of God, terrorism, financial failures around the world are major stressors, so are those developed through out life. Insecurities do not occur over night, they take time to develop and require fuel, a starting point. Learning where the messages originated is half the battle to overcoming them.

You know your insecurities are destructive when:

*     React to every noise, always jumpy, peeking through curtains at every noise.

*      Reacting emotionally to the slightest criticism.

*      Indulging the ruminations, thoughts of how horrible you are, always the victim, how people do you wrong.

*      Cannot be in a relationship without feeling your mate is cheating on you, always screening his or her calls, email, text messages,  making accusations about others at work or friends.

*      Stop socializing with friends, family members, co-workers, stay closed in at home, miss days of work.

*       Feeling chronically tired and ill.

*       Acting out in anger, fear, screaming at others, when he or she tries to ask you do complete a task, asks for help, or makes a comment about your skills and abilities.

*      Chronic insecurities become phobias.

*      Your friends and family members stop calling you, invitations stop, people look the other way when they see you coming.

This is a short list lending some suggestions as to what chronic insecurities can bring into your life left unchecked. Only you know when your life is unmanageable due to being insecure. Keep a daily journal at the end of the day, asking yourself where you behaved in a manner that could reflect an insecurity, then address it, ask what it is you need to change. The answers will come to you.

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