by q8dreamer

Created on: May 29, 2010   Last Updated: May 30, 2010

A child has every right to express anger and frustration, to vent out and cause a scene whether we like it or not. We must understand that like us, children are prone to times of anger, sadness, joy and happiness, but their reactions tend to be different that ours.

They cry, shout, start throwing things and use physical violence against adults, children or even against themselves (like banging their heads on the table). This is the easiest way for them to vent out and grab attention, and they sure do so!

Dealing with anger in a child could be frustrating and hard at first, but with practice and patience it will become easier. As a mother of two, I have learned how to be more calm and reflect that calmness to my kids, and as they say children mirror their parents behaviors!

When a child gets angry over something it usually has a deeper meaning to it, they don't just react to what has just happened now, they link different situations and different feelings they had into this one moment. An real example to illustrate:

Two kids playing together:

Mandy: Do you want to color with me?

Linda: No

Sam: Linda do you want to watch T.V?

Linda: Yes

Mandy starts to cry and goes to her mother with tears, sobs and a loud voice: Linda doesn't love me! Mandy starts to throw the crayons and cause a big scene and she doesn't stop until Linda agrees to play with her.

The reasons for this scene is that:

1-Mandy did not have her 2 hour nap in the afternoon (she is tired).

2-Linda chose to play with Mandy's little brother and not Mandy (she is jealous).

3-Mandy is feeling neglected, because she was an only child and everyone gave her attention and now Sam got all of the attention (she is jealous and angry).

As parents we should first understand the underlying reasons of our children's anger so that we can solve the problem without more negativity. When a child is angry, it is the time for us to act like adults and talk to them in a calm and assertive tone, ask them some questions that can make us understand the real reason behind this anger. Shouting at them will not solve the problem, it will escalate it, thus leading to more negative emotions.

An angry child should be assured that he is loved whether he is happy our sad, a child needs to learn that it is alright to vent out sometimes and take the anger out of his system, as long as he doesn't harm the feelings of others.

The best advice that I can give is to let the child express himself with words, give them the attention they need and let them have a spot where they could cool down and get over these emotions.

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