by carolyna

Created on: February 27, 2007   Last Updated: April 23, 2007

This is the first time I've been friends with a guy first and then started dating. What can I say, but with every other guy I've had a relationship with, we've been attracted to each other and within two weeks we've worked out if we've liked each other enough to give it a go, or it's not happened. Obviously the problem with that sort of relationship is that you start to learn more about that person over time, and eventually it comes to the point where we've either realised we're completely different people, or that it's just bad timing.

With my current relationship being friends first has been infinitely better than just jumping into dating. The thing with this relationship though is that we never would have dated first anyhow. When I first knew the guy I thought there was no way in hell that we'd actually get on because he just drove me mad, and not in a good way; in any case, a friend of mine had a huge crush on him and I was happy for them to get together. Anyhow, long story short, months after meeting him, things didn't happen between this guy and my friend. He and I developed a friendship, and somehow he and I managed to bridge the vast chasm of differences I'd felt we had. I came to realise how much value we could bring to each other's lives because of those differences in our views on things and our experiences, and it's actually probably kept us together.

The thing is though that you can't choose who you're attracted to, or the level of attraction you have towards a person. If you're that attracted to someone and they feel likewise, it's obvious that you're going to start dating before you become friends. Could you imagine meeting someone where the sparks are flying and saying "stop! Let's just be friends first"? Madness! It may save you that bit of heartache when you finally realise you're not right for each other, but I'd rather smother myself in the amazing feeling of those first months when you're with someone and you think everything is wonderful with the world, than to try and stomp on the flutters of my heart and say I just want to be friends first - which may risk the other person thinking that you're just not interested in them in "that" way, so they go date someone else.

You've just got to go with what feels right at the time. If it's meant to be, it's meant to be. If it's not, then you can enjoy the experience you've had which has hopefully somehow enriched your life, or at least made you wiser, and move on to someone who is better suited and more deserving of you. The right person is the right person whether you've dated first, or been friends first. Don't worry about it all though, and just enjoy life!

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