In order to know if you are settling for less, you have to know what do you really want in a mate. The best beginning is not a specific list, but rather a generalized impression. If your description of your perfect mate begins with height, hair color and build, you will certainly have to sacrifice some very important characteristics. To ensure that you marry a partner for life, begin with the following:

~~Look for commonality, but embrace diversity as well.
Look for a mate with common ideation about fidelity, honesty, politics, religion, legality, children, duration of marriage, retirement, discipline, work ethic and outlook. If you discuss these things before you consider marriage, you will find that when you do have a difference of opinion, two options become overwhelmingly apparent: (1) You can love this person without their opinion being a hindrance to your feelings; or (2) You are so fundamentally different from this person that you will never open up enough to be soul mates.

~~Experience all of your perspective mate's moods and emotions prior to marriage.
Find out what kind of temper they have. Can you withstand pouting or sulking? Can you stand to see someone else cry? Will they be supportive of you in your moment of grief? How do they celebrate success? Differences in these areas can strain a marriage beyond the breaking point.

~~Never withhold your true feelings.
Be fair- let them know what you think, when you think it and without bothering to be "politically correct". If you are putting up a facade to appear to be more desirable than you really are, you are doing yourself an injustice. You will be trapped living up to your falsehoods for the duration of your marriage. When the lies are discovered, the marriage is over.

~~Do not lie about your past.
A skeleton falling from the closet, as you put away your mother-in-law's coat, is disastrous. Avoid this by being open about your past. Likewise, understand that you are not in a position to judge another's past. You were not there, but be thankful for the person that sits before you who survived that past. Every mistake made transforms the child into the adult. If you and/or your potential mate cannot reconcile yourselves to the previous statement, you are not ready for marriage.

By being honest, you may find that your mate did not come in the package you expected. Remember, the wrapping the gift comes it gets thrown away, but what is inside is the most important.

Learn more about this author, Ann Marie Dwyer.
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