by Lee VanAmee

Created on: May 19, 2010

The term sympathy does not always hold the same meaning to everyone who uses it. 

The universal belief that sympathy is a positive reaction to tragedy is misguided. When a person does not show signs of sympathy for any of the suffering in this world; it is thought to be an evil and unemotional reaction. But, tough love has also been introduced as a caring and compassionate way to uplift a dire situation and still get positive results and outcome. Sympathy has been associated more with pity, looking downward upon and superior/inferior circumstantial human conditions and an easy out for someone to "try" to help, without really giving the real effort required. We can all sympathize in a conversation, but any real action is going to be fueled by passion and heartfelt energies that come from true caring.

In more recent times we have come to use a broader base of words and communication of compassion and far reaching actions. This has come about because as humans we have started to understand better that care-taking (I use the meaning of taking someone's cares away); and care-giving (meaning you are giving care to an entity or situation) are two very different applications. I was taught that to give empathy was to throw a drowning person a life vest and then pull them out of the water; and to give sympathy was to get into the water with the drowning person and try to attach the life vest as I struggle to stay afloat myself. In that analogy I can better understand my ability to truly reach out and help someone or become so overly involved in the circumstance and my own reaction that I am helping no one.

The world always changes and we change with it. Our family base and communities have changed drastically and our relationships and the survival of those relationships have had to change also. Even our work lives have been restructured more than a few times. As such we have limited the time and energy that once encompassed having families and relationships be the end all be all of our existence. Therefore, to get "sympathy" from a loved one is no longer the first answer that we seek in order to heal a broken heart or a disappointment; we don't want to be felt sorry for anymore.

I believe this has been a positive movement in the making of more independent thinking and acting of individuals and communities. This shift in being more accountable for emotions, outcomes, actions and life events has made us stronger and more empathetic instead of more pathetic.

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