by Carol Smock

Created on: May 17, 2010   Last Updated: May 18, 2010

The neighbor had just left with her six month old daughter. I turned to three year old Michelle and asked, “Did you have like seeing Shelby?”

“Yes,” answered my daughter. “She goes home.”

Since we were soon to have a second baby, I did not find those words reassuring. How do you help a young child happily accept a new sibling? Here are a few of the things that we found helpful.

1. Tell her about the expected baby. Let her feel the baby kick, and talk about the time when she was waiting to be born. Go through the story with her, and look at her baby pictures together. She will be more willing to accept a new sibling if you remind her of how much she is loved.     

2. Long before the baby is due, move her from the crib into a “grown up” bed. Make this a momentous occasion by letting her help dress the new bed in pretty sheets and blankets. You might even take her along to the store when choosing the bed and bedclothes.

3. Store the old crib out of sight. When the new baby comes home, try using a bassinet for the first few weeks before bringing the crib back out and setting it up. Use sheets that are unfamiliar at first, and don’t give her old blankets or soft toys to the new baby.

 4. Give her a baby doll of her own, perhaps with its own bed, diapers, bottle, etc. Let her visit the newborn in the hospital and start getting acquainted.

5. Buy and wrap small presents for her to open when the baby gets a gift. These are “from” her new sibling and will help with feelings of jealousy or being left out.

6. When relatives or friends come to visit, encourage them to pay attention to the older child as well as the baby.

7. Let her help with caring for the baby. She can bring diapers to you or do other little chores that will help her feel important.

8. Take her along when buying things you will need for the baby. Let her help put things into the cart. Some stores have miniature carts for “little helpers” to push.

9.  Make special times for just her; story hour before bed, play dough sessions, drawing or painting time together—anything that you both enjoy and that doesn’t make too big a mess. Let her know that these times with your “big girl” are important to you.

Be alert to signs that she feels left out or unhappy about the new baby, and let her talk about how she feels. Knowing that it’s OK to feel that way but it isn’t OK to yell at or hurt the baby will help her to adjust more quickly.

Relax and enjoy your older child as well as your new baby. This stage will pass too quickly.

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