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Humor: Lawn care

by Margaret Radisich Sleasman

Created on: May 13, 2010

Not being a lawn guru, I have nothing helpful to those who want a nice lawn; to those who don't care, these are tried and true instructions.

I was curious as to how to plant and care for a lawn.  Not sure why that thought crossed my mind, but I got brave and looked it up on e-how and a few other sites.  I had no idea people go through that much trouble for grass.  We have had a lawn for almost 40 years now and we never did any of that.

OK: lesson 1, tilling the soil.  I don't think so.  Lesson 2, leveling the ground; not sure why that has to be done either; but lesson three is to plant the seed.  I have done that.  Then the suggestion for lesson 4 is to get a 3 x 3 sheet of plywood with nails and drag it over the planted seeds and the soil to “gently” mix them together.  I don't know anyone in their right mind who would do such a thing, especially if your lawn was large; that is a recipe for heat stroke if I ever heard one.  Now I will tell you how we did it.

When we moved to our place – and I mean moved, nothing was built.  We moved a house in, a garage, a chicken coop and plopped ourselves at the highest point in the middle of a field.  We had field grass and weeds that were at least two feet tall and I thought a lawn would be good.  We had a gas push mower and; lesson 1, if you tip the mower at a 45 degree angle and go fairly slow, you will chop the field grass down to a mow-able level.  Then lesson 2, the next time around you can mow with the mower flat.  Tahh dahh, LAWN!  Each time I mowed, I would go an extra foot or two out into the field and now we have a two-acre lawn, which looks rather nice from a distance. 

We had a hilly slope and I thought it would look good with purple flowers spaced nicely and it would give the lawn contrast.  I bought some kind of purple creeper and planted it.  Of course the kids mowed over it, but the little devils were hardy and the rooting system spread so I still get the occasional purple patch on the lawn. 

Weeds, I know there are various forms of weed killer out there that can be used to keep the lawn lush.  Since most of our lawn is field grass and not what the “lawn people” would call “lawn;” we would be left with a bunch of dirt.  By not using these products we save a lot of money that would be otherwise wasted on expensive weed killer.  Not only that, but we harvest our dandelions; yes we do!  Dandelion greens are excellent in salads and the flower makes great wine.  I would be horrified if someone killed my dandelions; some people are so strange.

We also have moss; now I know you lawn gurus do not like moss and will get out the stuff to kill it spending many hours working your tail off.  Why? Moss, in case you haven't noticed spreads nicely and does not need to be mowed.  This saves lawnmower gas, the ecosystem and comes in varying shades of green for a very colorful yard.

Ok, so I actually didn't plant any grass seed; but I bought five pounds of it 38 years ago just in case we needed it. 

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