by Melody Monk

Created on: May 13, 2010   Last Updated: May 14, 2010

What is real happiness?  For many people, the word happiness means getting what they want when they want it.  As in, "I always dreamed of owning a new Ferrari and today I bought one!  Yeah!  I am soooo happy!"  Usually getting what we want does make us happy, at least temporarily.  However, we have all had those experiences where getting what we wanted in the long run did not increase our happiness.  In fact, sometimes the very thing we thought we wanted so badly can make us downright miserable. And what about the person who simply is at a point in life where they honestly don't know what they want?  Are they doomed to unhappiness? Not necessarily!

So, if getting what we want does not always equal happiness, what is another possible definition of happiness?  Could it be a state of mind?  Could it be an attitude?  Is it some combination of both?  Why do we say, "Oh, so-and-so is such a happy person?"  Surely we don't mean they always get what they want.  More often we mean that the person smiles frequently, is generally cheerful, appears content and is pleasant to be around.  Are these people born with a happy gene?  

I was very happy the other day to find out that happiness can be self-manufactured!  Yes, people can have synthetic happiness - and be really quite - well to add to the redundancy - happy with it!  I listened to a TED Talk by Harvard psychologist Dan Gilbert which addressed the reasons why people are happy.  He suggested that we have a psychological immune system.  This system allows us to fabricate the feelings of happiness even when things don’t go the way we think they should. It can heal us from unhappiness the same way our physical immune system heals us from a wound.

In fact, the studies that he describes, along with being quite amusing, suggest that people can even be happier when forced to accept something they didn’t choose.  They even remain happier over a longer period when choice is limited. This was a very interesting concept to me because I experienced a form of this concept when I was forced to live abroad.  I went from a country, the U.S.A., where the brands and items in the grocery store are practically infinite to a country (which shall remain nameless) where all of my familiar items are scarce or nonexistent.

I quickly learned to do without many things while remaining basically content. I even rejoiced with genuine happiness when after months of doing without, I found one bottle of western ketchup available and bought it at an outrageous price.  When I returned to the states after several years of living in this situation with limited to no choice, my first time in a superstore was overwhelmingly stressful.  I agonized for twenty minutes in the ketchup aisle, totally paralyzed by the extensive choice. Gradually, I returned to normal, but it was an interesting experience.  It was not merely felt psychologically, it was provoked a genuine physical reaction.

I think many people would be encouraged by the idea that happiness is non elusive.  It is within their grasp. I hope that everyone can take time to listen to Dan Gilbert and discover that happiness may be just within their grasp.

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