by Carolina Amoroso

Created on: May 13, 2010

Love is in the air - Learn why the net won't help you catch it

A few weeks ago I decided to take up chess lessons. A born tactician, I presumed I would encounter no problems playing one of the oldest forms of strategy. Yet today, as I sit across my opponent pondering my next move, I stare blankly at the board, beads of sweat forming in the creases of my forehead. But why? Perhaps because in this game each move is of vital importance: one wrongful choice and the denouement may be altered dramatically. Fortunately, life is not as complex.

Take my love life for instance. The second I sign on to Facebook, I'm welcomed by a succession of messages, invites, pokes, flirts, drinks, you name it. My heart pounds with excitement, as multiple opportunities await at the tap of a few keys.

Yet on closer inspection, I have been poked by a stranger, invited to a party whose venue I have not been made privy to and sent a virtual representation of an alcoholic beverage. Undiscouraged, I reply to all. Maybe I do so too enthusiastically.

That’s how a friend accounted for the odd absence of replies a week later. On her command, I proceeded to retrace my steps. I started by recounting the number of words of my message – admittedly, a lengthy partition may have deterred the recipient from replying.

Having ascertained that it did not exceed fifty words – which social networking standards deem ok - I was advised to take note of punctuation. After thorough analysis, I reached the conclusion that the over-use of exclamation marks had been my ultimate downfall.

Wasting no time, I formulated a code for their use, whereby a single one comes across as an incidental tapping of keys; two denote a degree of interest within the bounds of the acceptable and three signal utter desperation.

Should I have known better? Apparently. For the inclusion of three exclamation marks is tantamount to asking the fatal "where is this going?" I learn, then, that to live in this day and age, my virtual self needs a stratagem.

And so does everyone else who uses this kind of technology in the hope that they meet their knight in shinning armor, or their damsel in distress, as the case may be. Yet I cannot help but wonder: is this how queens meet kings?

At best, social networking will help you meet someone in the virtual sense of the word. But what follows will depend entirely on how you play the game. For one, avoid such displays of sentimentality as ‘take care.’

Beware: only write when written to, as any attempt at striking up conversation with someone may be construed as a desperate cry for love. And whatever you do, do not start your day before the contents of a virtual fortune cookie have been revealed to you – they hold the best relationship advice indeed.

So what about the skeptical souls out there who swap strategies for the simple ‘what-you-see-is-what-you-get’ philosophy? Well, they’ll soon realize that candor, frankness and earnestness leave them exposed, disarmed and ultimately defenseless. Checkmate.

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