by Matt Bird

Created on: May 11, 2010

Feeling a little whack in the sack? Does the prospect of sex with your significant other no longer excite you? Does the prospect of sex PERIOD no longer excite you?

What a shame.

Sex is fun. Sex is special. Sex is, with the right person, mood and technique, magical. You could be sweating from head to toe, covered in bruises from rough play and completely out of breath and still be enjoying yourself because sex is just that good.

But only if you still enjoy it. Otherwise, sex is just a chore, a bi-weekly ritual carried out by both parties to satisfy the requirements of a marriage. Dutiful sex is boring, and when sex becomes boring something is most definitely wrong. So what's to be done?

That's a tough question to answer, because the answer is different for everyone. This is true of any difficulty, though especially for sex. Sex is a specialized affair, an intimate encounter that can easily leave a person feeling uncomfortable. How do you spice up a sex life without alienating your partner? Here are some general tips to help you get started.

- First, you need to be honest about the problem. Sit down with your sex partner and, without judgement or blame, discuss the problem. Doubtless it's come up in bed before, but having a frank discussion with clothes on is more constructive since you're more likely to be thinking logically. Be honest and try and figure out why things have gone wrong.

- Once you've identified the cause, if there IS one cause, take steps to deal with it. There are counsellors who can help you and your partner come to terms with your difficulties and move past roadblocks.

- Alternatively, there is plenty of literature out there that can help with specific issues. This is a more attractive route for those private souls who don't want to discuss their sex life with a stranger. A book may not provide input directly related to your issue, but it's certainly a good start and may help you move towards face-to-face help.

Perhaps, however, the boredom stems from simple routine. In this case you're going to have to move beyond your determined comfort zones and try something more risque.

- In a slow, experimental way, branch out and try new things. The same old position night after night is dull beyond belief. Switch it up a bit. Maybe there's something you've wanted to try for years but never had the courage to raise the point. Now's the time to give it a try. Who knows, your partner may be interested.

- Read. Again, books are a great help, as is the Internet. A bit of study can go a long way. (Kama Sutra, anyone?)

- Ask around. If you're comfortable talking sex with your friends, see if they have any tips you can take to bed.

- Visit a sex shop. This is an extremely uncomfortable situation for first-time visitors, but once you get used to navigating aisles full of sex toys you'll feel your uptight demeanour loosen up. Don't shy away from asking the attendants for advice, either, as they're often quite friendly and helpful, not to mention completely frank in discussing products (which they'd have to be, to work in a sex shop).

- And, last, watch videos. Pornography may not be completely realistic and you probably don't want to try some of the moves, but much of the action is quite stimulating and pleasurable for real couples. Just don't go too far.

As with boredom in any other activity, sexual malaise usually comes from an unchanging routine. Dispel the routine with a dose of variety and your sex life should be back in the stratosphere in no time.

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