by z.mccann

Created on: February 26, 2007   Last Updated: April 23, 2007

Who knows why parents have favourites? What makes one child less adequate than another? I do believe it can have little or nothing to do with the child, at least not when they're very young. I suspect it may have a good deal more to do with the frame of mind of parents when baby is born. Of my own situation I know that any closeness I've shared with my father, over the years, has been fleeting and only ever in the absence of my sister, it is a situation I have never understood but within our family love, it seems, cannot be equally shared.

I am the younger of two daughters; perhaps I should have been a son? Perhaps my Mum reveals a clue when she tells me, as an adult, I shouldn't get a second cat, because it's not fair on the first. Does she think I won't love my first baby if I have a second, or that loving a new baby will affect my bond with the first?

My sister was nearly 5 when I was born, Mum and Dad had already been married for almost 12 years. Did my arrival have a derogatory affect on bonds between husband and wife, mother and eldest daughter? Did I take too much of mummy's time or wife's affection? Perhaps I was the reason for creating stronger bonds between Daddy and his first born, a bond my Mother has grown ever more resentful of, over the years, claiming Father and Daughter (my sister) are more like Husband and Wife.

My Dad and older Sister are seemingly very close, to the exclusion of all others. You cannot get close to my father without, it seems, unsettling my sister; she is fiercely protective of their relationship. What is even harder is being allowed to disagree with either one, without the involvement of the other. While I believe differences between people can be of great value, in learning to understand one another and our-selves, disagreeing with my Dad equates, for him, to my being in the wrong and to my sister that equates to me, wronging him. Different points of view hold no weight with them, all that seems to matter is that they make, and take, the same side.

The fact that there is such a clear division, between affection shown toward my sister, by my father, and affection shown for me, is plain for most to see. My mother over the years has actually told me that he holds me in greater esteem, that he treats me differently because he expects more from me than my sister? That has always upset me, for her sake. I have been told that my sister is less confident than I (though I fail to see how) and less streetwise', as though she needs love more? Though it rarely, consciously, upset me growing up, it saddens me now; favouritism, and an inability to share, has cost them the chance of a good relationship, with their youngest daughter and little sister.

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