by Trecia Webb

Created on: May 11, 2010

Love doesn't hurt. Expectation generates anguish. If we believe that love hurts us, we wouldn't be moved to be in love or be caught up in the rapture, searching for love. We find nourishment through our longing for love. As we are being nurtured, we refuse to give up our yearnings to be in love. When we languish with the desires of wanting to be in love, we are driven to do many strange things. Unusual enough that we even surprise ourselves, in the pursuit of love.

Sometimes we experience our versions of love through the eyes of others. We set specific expectations to be fulfilled as a couple, mainly to justify our feeling so we can describe it as love. These expectations are what causes us to hurt . We hurt because we are disappointed at the way our love lives are unfolding.

If we are not being how we expect ourselves to be, then we fear we may not be experiencing love. We begin to redefine the experience and the image we created in our minds start to fade. We become desperate, doing everything in our power to maintain the feeling. The hurt intensifies when we begin to realize that we can't fix the situation.

It's easy to confuse the hurt from disappointment as love, but it's derived from the expectation we placed on our partner and ourselves, {when we are in love}. We experience hurt because we invest our heart into our love relationships, but the love didn't hurt us. Our expectation doesn't match our outcome so we are hurt by the results. 

If we truly believe that we are hurt by love, then it would also mean, we are suckers for punishment; wanting to be in love and doing whatever it takes even as it hurt us.

If there was no expectation when we fall in love then we wouldn't expect our partner to show up in a specific way. If we don't expect a specific behaviour from our partners, then whatever they do would just be an expression of themselves.

The love we feel for them would still be described as love and not attached to pain. There wouldn't be a correlation between love and hurt. '' I love him but he hurt my feelings", are 2 separate emotions lingering on the same vine. '' It's because I love him, why I hurt so much". We now combine both emotions, making one responsible for the outcome of the other. 

Loving him

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