by Ann Marie Dwyer

Created on: February 26, 2007   Last Updated: November 11, 2008

While everyone may well have a soulmate, marriage is not for everyone. The traditional institution of marriage requires commitment, honesty, understanding, humanity, patience, perserverance, kindness, compassion, responsibility, selflessness, self-control, empathy and forgiveness. Not everyone possesses those qualities in sufficient measure to sustain a relationship for a lifetime.

In our instant gratification society, many couples are bewitched by their parents' idealistic views of marriage and are pressured into an unholy union. Parents and friends push unready, incompatible couples down the aisle. After the honeymoon, reality sets in...

The wife hates socks on the floor, the toilet seat up while the paper roller is empty, Monday night football, the way her husband always misses the grass next to the driveway, etc.

The husband hates his wife's girlfriends calling all day on Saturday, the way men look at her in public, his mother-in-law, "sandwich night", the way she leaves dinner dishes in the sink until morning, ad nauseam.

Soon bickering becomes argument liberally peppered with heated words which can never be taken back, resentment over non-apologetic attitudes and unforgiveness: the cobblestones in the road to divorce. Individuals who cannot choose their battles wisely should not attempt marriage at all.

All of this could have easily been avoided. When outsiders give their opinion on how a couple's relationship is progressing toward the altar, the united response should be: "We have been charting our road to marriage; however, to date, we can't get there from here." Individuals who cannot resist peer or parental pressure should not marry young.

Couples need to know each other well enough to be able to ask any question and accept the answer without judgment. Husbands and wives must share, cooperate, forgive, accept, sacrifice, behave selflessly and agree more than they disagree. Individuals who cannot do all of these tasks for a lifetime commitment should avoid marriage altogether.

If a couple spends more than one conversation a month explaining why one partner is "wrong", marriage is not for them.

If one partner "holds a grudge" and brings up resolved history at the first sign of an argument, marriage is not for this couple.

If petty actions draw out feelings of frustration and anger, have been discussed but still remain, this couple should not marry.

In short, until couples are sitting down to discuss their views on commitment, children, career aspirations, fidelity, honesty, retirement, housework, finances...all things pertinent to the married couple, the charted course will inevitably end up in divorce court.

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