by Sandra Piddock

Created on: May 08, 2010   Last Updated: May 09, 2010

Both women and men can and do cheat, but I believe the reasons a woman cheats on her partner are completely different from the reasons why men cheat. For a start, I would hazard a guess that sex isn't the major motivation for a cheating woman. There has to be some more powerful reason than pure physical attraction, at least in most cases.

Women cheat because there is something vital missing from their relationship. We'll put up with indifferent or even non existent sex, as long as there are saving graces to keep our relationship alive. We turn to cheating when we recognise that, for whatever reason, our relationship is dead in the water.

We may feel unloved or taken for granted, or our partner may be exhibiting challenging behaviour such as excessive drinking, or physical or verbal abuse. Someone comes along who finds us attractive, and we are drawn to them, because they provide the attention lacking in our relationship. While we may not jump straight into bed, there comes a time when it's the right - indeed the only - thing to do.

Usually, there's a defining moment at home - the straw that breaks the camel's back, if you like - when we realise that we can't go on like this. Perhaps we just want validation that we're still attractive, or perhaps we've fallen out of love with one man and in love with another, but the decision to cheat will be agonised over and evaluated before any action is taken.

Most women don't cheat because they can, but because they feel it's the only option for them at a particular stage in their life. It's love and affection they crave, rather than the excitement of an illicit affair.

In many cases, the man they cheat with is someone they've met at work or through a course or leisure activity, and what starts as pleasant time spent together over shared interests becomes something deeper and stronger over time. Or a long standing friend may become a lover, because the woman feels that he understands and respects her more than her partner does.

Sex is secondary to companionship, but it inevitably happens,  because there is an element of physical attraction there. Nobody ever cheated with somebody they didn't fancy - at least, not in my experience. Okay, there may be some women who just want to put notches on the bedpost, but these are few and far between.

Generally, women who cheat on their partners feel that those partners have already betrayed their love in some way, and that therefore cheating is, if not justifiable, at least understandable given the particular circumstances.

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