Jennifer Love Hewitt is considered one of the most attractive women in the entertainment industry and the world. With a high profile career dating back to 1989, Ms. Hewitt’s dating life is highly publicized (and highly criticized). Her book, The Day I Shot Cupid is a reality check on relationships. The book is targeted at female readers, but most of the material applies to guys too, because JLH considers both in the relationship.
Hewitt discusses the importance of defining what each person wants to contribute to their relationship, what they want from it, and the importance of defining individual relationships on their own terms without imposing fairytale standards. She claims she is a hopeless romantic and love-aholic, but the book shows that the prior pain of lost love matured Lady Love’s perspective on romance and relationships.
The adjustment in Love’s perspective allows her faith in love and relationships to remain in tact. She has not become disdainful of romance. On the contrary, “The Day I Shot Cupid” shows that Jennifer Love Hewitt is a heroin for many that struggle in love.
JLH is a hopeless romantic, but rejects fairytale definitions about relationships, because they impose unrealistic (and fatal) standards. She suggests that couples are better off creating a relationship that they define for themselves. Relationships are defined by what each person contributes and receives.
Love tells us to figure out what kind of person we want to be with; but in order to do that, we need to know what we want out of a relationship, and what we want to contribute. That is, women should know the kind of man they want to be with, and the kind of woman they want to be in their relationship.
Love indicates that men are somewhat flexible in relationships. A man wants to be what a girl wants, but he needs a clear idea of what that is. After she knows who she wants to be in the relationship, a woman can determine the kind of man she wants to be with.
JLH profiles three types – Machomen, Metrosexuals, and Heros. Heros are the most desirable. They are thoughtful, emotionally secure and emotionally intelligent. They are romantic, open doors, dress to impress, and value good love letters.
They can protect a woman while respecting her strength, and they are driven to find out how to give a woman what she wants in a relationship. A woman’s tragedy is that she may not even realize when a hero is there for her.
I was privileged with Ms. Hewitt’s company on several occasions while working with Jamie Kennedy. She is warm and welcoming. Additionally, the remainder of this review is inspired by my experience being a “hero” committed to love that is ultimately unreciprocated.
The rest of this review argues that the hero’s tragedy further illustrates the importance of clarifying relationship desires.
Each hopelessly romantic girl that captivated my heart ultimately abandoned it. In some part, I attribute this abandonment to their indecision, and perhaps failure to behave according to their true desires. As I grow older, my romantic interests are fewer and further between.
Most recently, I fell in love with a woman unsatisfied in her relationship that leaned on my support. Our mutual interests and values created a strong connection. One afternoon she asked me an unexpected question. Answering truthfully and factually meant putting her interests ahead of other valuable relationships, and threatening the future for my career.
JLH advises knowing who you are in love, and a big part of the man I am in love is honest, especially when it’s not easy. Honesty in the face of this kind of adversity shows real commitment, and something you can count on.
I told the truth, because that is who I am in love. However, the truth did not prevail. She no longer speaks to me, because my answer led others close to us to successfully smear my intentions, and discredit my words.
Love does not discuss this hero’s tragedy in her book. A woman that does not make up her mind about who she is and what she wants, risks missing her hero. In addition, her lack of clarity increases the likeliness that she abuses his devotion. It may even be that she knows what she wants, but her behavior has yet to catch up with her desires.
JLH’s missed hero is a selfless and hopeless romantic that is driven to be what she wants, because he commits to putting her desires ahead of his interests. Part of her appeal is that she is a hopeless romantic. He sees himself in her, and is captivated by the illusion of trust and safety with this familiar soul.
He learns what she wants out of a relationship and tries to give it to her, but her indecisiveness causes her to remain blind to his selflessness. His efforts only increase his erred sense of fidelity that she fails to reciprocate. He dresses his best for her, but she cancels his dates without a second thought, and remains unaware of his pain.
She may go to him when she is weak, but she abandons him when she is strong again, and leaves him feeling taken for granted. His love letters miss the mark, and either establish a relationship that stops short of romance, or disorients to the extent that she ignores him all together.
She eventually breaks his heart, and threatens the integrity of his perspective on relationships, because he basically did all the “right” things, but is martyred by the indecisiveness that blinds her.
Jennifer Love Hewitt’s book provides some good guidelines for those that need to work on clarifying their relationship desires before trying to establish their relationships.
JLH does not provide much about the hero that is martyred by those that at first seem to know what they want but suddenly disappear, and abandon him. In the introduction to The Day I Shot Cupid, Hewitt “kills” cupid, in part because she discovers that he is nothing but a scorned lover that should not be trusted.
Further, a woman blind to a hero’s efforts not only misses him, but risks turning a good man into a scorned lover. Not only does the hero’s tragedy further illustrate the importance of clarifying relationship desires, but it suggests that a woman’s blind indecisiveness may actually transform men into the cupid-like scorned lovers that JLH warns us against.