by Cassie Wills-Garland

Created on: May 04, 2010

To My Isabella, My Lily,

I didn't get the chance to meet you to know which name you were to be. I have been told that you are the girl I will have, you just weren't ready yet, so for that you must be my Isabella. But there is such a pain, such an emptiness there that surely you have been ripped from me, and as I have lost you I wanted to call you Lily.

Whichever you are my darling I miss you, we miss you. At the risk of upsetting us both even more I have to tell you that your Dad misses you too. One of the saddest parts of this is that we didn't even get to know you were coming until you left us, there was no hello, not even a welcome to my womb, you left before all of that.

I feel like I have failed as a mother, I didn't even realise what was happening until long after it had happened. Please do not ever think I didn't care about you or didn't want you. Your Dad and I have been yearning for you for what feels like a lifetime, please don't ever forget that you are the most eagerly awaited, sorely missed and dearly loved star in the sky.

Whatever we do, we think of you, and we see glimmers of what it will be like to have you my darling when we hold our niece, your cousin. She is the only thing that heals and hurts both your Dad and I at the same time.

I worry where you are though my darling, I worry that you are seeing us in such pain, I worry that you got taken back against your will as well as ours and that you are feeling lonely somewhere. I am not a religious person, but if you do ever come back to me I will thank the Lord above for such an amazing blessing. You are in every flower I see, the faces of the ones I love, you are in the earth, the sea and you blow through the trees on the wind, you are the brightest star in the sky, full of hope and love, we hold tight and wait for the day when you shine your love down on us, when our dreams come true, when we get you.

We love you our Isabella, our Lily, our Angel, our Star. xxx

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