by Mel Bergen

Created on: February 26, 2007   Last Updated: May 02, 2007

Live-in relationships can work, yes, but they often do not. It's a question of the stability of the relationship and the commitment of the partners.

Leaping into a live-in situation is never a good idea. You should be close to your significant other and should know each other well. Take a look at where they live now - do they have habits that will drive you nuts? Are you constantly picking up things for them (or they for you)? How do they squeeze that toothpaste tube? Do they forget to call when they're going to be late or do they have a heart attack when you get home from work 10 minutes later than usual? Can you live with these things?

Then consider your own lifestyle. Think about having someone there to know and care when you come and go. Don't forget to take into account whether you get along with each other's friends, as well. Having your best friend over twice a week when your partner can't stand to see him or her will strain relations indeed, on both sides.

Then there are the living arrangements. If you have roommates now, will your partner move in with you or the other way around, or will you find a new place? Unless you own your own home, you'll have to sign a new lease. Moving someone into your flat without one could get you evicted. Think about how well you've gotten along with your roommates, now or in the past. Are you ready to share your space (not just the bathroom but your bedroom as well) with someone full-time? Can you give up your privacy and having a retreat during difficult times?

These are all questions you should ask yourself whether you are contemplating only moving in together or getting married as well. There isn't much difference in your day-to-day life between the two - a live-in romantic relationship ought to be a step on the road to a lifetime commitment. But I'm living proof that live-in relationships work. My husband and I have been partners for 10 years, have lived together for 8, and have been married for 7 months. We may be a little slow, but we're more sure than most couples who get married without ever sharing living space.

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