by Annette Gary

Created on: April 30, 2010

The death of someone you love is a difficult experience to say the least.  In the past five years I suffered the loss of my mom, sister and dad, all of whom were diagnosed with terminal illnesses.  The services of hospice were invaluable to us for each of them.  My mom was the first to become sick and it was terrifying when we learned she was going to be cared for by hospice because there was nothing more the doctors could do for her.  Her death certificate lists amyotrophic lateral sclerosis (ALS) as her cause of death but we were never given an official diagnosis by her doctors.  My first experience with hospice was surreal because it was so difficult to cope with the thought of losing my mom.  I was thirty-four at the time and pregnant with my third child when hospice came to care for her.  This was the first time in my life in which I had to face the loss of someone I was very close to.  My mom was cared for by hospice for nearly six months when she lost her battle with her disease; she was seventy-one years old.  Less than one year after my mom died, my sister was diagnosed with throat cancer after being free from lung cancer for five years.  She was also cared for by hospice; she was forty-nine when she died.  Four years after my sister’s death, my dad was diagnosed with advanced bile duct and liver cancer.   The hospice service my dad received was exceptional.  My mom and sister were well taken care of by extremely caring nurses but the nurses my dad had were what I believe to be angels.  They went above and beyond what anyone would expect and helped us all through a very difficult time.

Hospice provides palliative care for those who are diagnosed with serious or terminal illnesses.  They supply pharmaceuticals, medical equipment, and care by nurses, social workers, bereavement coordinators and chaplains.  Terminal illnesses take their toll on mind, body and soul.  The pain relief alone that hospice provides is a great help to the patient as well as their family members.  I cannot imagine anything worse than watching someone you love suffer unnecessarily.  The emotional support of social workers, bereavement coordinators and chaplains offers family members and patients an outlet for the intense emotions one encounters while dealing with a serious illness.  Previous family dynamics often come into play during such times and we found the help of the hospice social worker very helpful.  She was able to lend an objective ear to the problems that arose among my siblings and me.  The stress one feels during times like these can often be overwhelming and I do not know how we would have managed without the resources hospice provided us with. 

The nurse and nurse’s aide hospice provided for my dad were two of the most extraordinary women I have ever met.  They treated my dad like he was a member of their own family.  Anytime we had a problem they were a phone call away and did everything in their power to make it better.  I do not believe I would be capable of doing the work they do because of the tremendous emotional expense it comes with, but I thank God there are women like them who are able to do it. 

Learn more about this author, Annette Gary.
Click here to send this author comments or questions.