by Kathryn Wilcox

Created on: April 30, 2010

Sometimes it takes a lifetime's perspective to understand personal relationships and in turn, our relationship with God. When we are young, we place great value on personality interactions, and the fun of being together. But the deeper values are those that take a lifetime to develop, and are why marriage vows need to be honored.

I read a story recently about a fiercely proud, independent couple whose marriage was a lifelong tug of war. They fought over almost everything; their vocal, sometimes hostile relationship strained the family.  The author, their adult child, seemed almost embarrassed as she related their story.  The conclusion of the article was bittersweet as she told how they were after 50 years together. After the recent hospitalization of her dad, her Mom wandered the house looking for him through the haze of senior dementia. When he came home, she hurried to him. “Oh, “she sighed. “There you are.”  Later that night, the daughter overheard her mother’s frightened voice in the dark, “Are you there?”  “I’m here,” her husband answered.

How sad that it took a lifetime for the daughter to realize the most important factor in her parents marriage. The marriage prevailed in spite of the differences-maybe because though neither won, both were too stubborn to give up. Not knowing the couple, I can never know for sure but maybe what kept them together is commitment. 

I experienced the depth of commitment in my marriage when I recently endured a lengthy convalescence from several eye surgeries. My husband patiently cared for me and all of the other responsibilities I usually take care of, without complaining. 

We are very different and often disagree on many issues, yet as I look back on 43 years of marriage, we have always been there for each other.  We often joke that we would rather fight than switch, just like the couple in the story I related. Yet it is much more than that. We both take our marriage vows seriously and honored the vows in spite of some difficult times.

I wonder if the false, romanticized view of marriage presented by our media, which portrays spouses who never disagree, and divorce when they do, distorts our expectations of our spouses and of marriage. Life is not problem- free and neither are relationships. It is often said that opposites are attracted to each other. This attraction comes from our own needs and weaknesses that the other party

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