by Shaun Wing

Created on: April 28, 2010   Last Updated: April 29, 2010

Without stating the obvious, April has sure been a long month with all this election dribble sprouting out at hourly updates with poll after poll, claiming to be more important than the previous stats wafting through the digital airwaves. I feel it is about time ‘Mystic Meg,’ got some air-time and put us out of our misery; maybe horoscope guru Russell Grant could parade in a tiara just to provide some glamour to the proceedings, perhaps on the BBC show ‘Newsnight Election Special;’ anything, except another aloof MP galvanising a message that we’ve all heard before, met with a bemused Paxman glance that shouts out, ‘are you for real?’

The drip, drip, crazy gang dribble is at epidemic levels down in Westminster village. I half wish John Prescot had punched a long haired lout just to prove their human; or even passionate about their policies.

Then again, the prize is to inherit the debt of 178 Billion to sort out and that isn’t something to relish; so, I can announce there are going to be no winners for whoever sets foot into number ten, as the bailiffs are set to arrive on May 8th.

I take it, if it is a ‘hung’ parliament; the three leaders will be residing in number ten just like in our bog-standard UK student accommodation. They’ll be scrapping who gets the master bedroom and gets first play on the Nintendo Wii.

Brown with his heavy fist of policy and bullying substance, Cameron with his ‘Big Society talk that runs itself leaving him to sit on his backside singing baby tunes to his nipper to be’ and Clegg whose wife will teach everyone Spanish, and Clegg will do things differently, apparently.’ Whatever that means? 

Extra law enforcers will have to be on-hand in Downing Street,’ to stop any ‘drunken Tory Toff girlies,’ who likely will be camping outside, ready to give Cameron a flash of their ‘blue pert nipples’ as he sprints off round the block with his head trying to keep up with his legs and reciting George Orwell anecdotes ‘four legs good, two legs bad.’ 

The rhetoric is destined to the abattoir; yet another ash cloud hitting aero-space stopping citizens, the two legged kind, from escaping this intravenous election slide show.

Slogans such as Cameron’s ‘choose hope over fear’ is overtly patronising and promotes disinformation. It doesn’t invigorate my senses one jot, in joining the Cameron ‘Big

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