by Carmel Brulez

Created on: April 28, 2010   Last Updated: May 02, 2010

I have been a relationship expert and life coach for many years, so I know for a fact that there are thousands of reasons for why marriages fail, because each marriage fails for a different reason or reasons.  Why each indiviidal marriage fails will depend  on the personality, attitude, background, intellect (or lack of it), goals, insecurities and behaviour of each person involved, together with whatever problems may have presented themselves to the couple along the way.  You could take a hundred couples and present them with the same obstacles, desires, dreams, problems and choices as each other and get a hundred totally different outcomes BECAUSE each person is different and sees things and behaves in a different way.

You cannot judge such a huge issue on just your own marriage and the marriages of your work colleagues and friends. You need to look at hundreds, if not thousands, of marriages in great detail.

One couple might be longing to have children and their one and only goal in life is to have a baby.  If, for any reason, that goes wrong they might be devastated and feel that their life is meaningless.  Another couple may be more laid back about the same problem and turn their attention to adopting or fostering or spending more time on other things.  A third couple may be so besotted with each other and not at all maternal and very happy to be in a relationship where there are no children and they much prefer it that way and make sure they do not have any kids!

Looking at things in a black and white fashion can mean that we latch onto a so called reason for a marriage ending.  A husband might say that his marriage was very happy and only ended because his wife cheated on his with another man.  But he is overlooking the fact that women who are in love with their partner and happy with them do not fancy other people and do not lie to their partner.  The cheating with the other man was not the cause of the problem it was the result of it.

Sometimes marriages fail because the two people were in lust and incompatible but got married anyway, then as time progresses their differences become more obvious and cause huge problems.  If this is the case that couple could have prevented the marriage failing by not getting married in the first place.  They may say they had no way of knowing but usually they rushed into it instead of  having a long engagement or living together first so that they can be sure of each other before signing on the dotted line.

No matter how much you believe you like and respect and trust your prospective spouse you cannot be too careful.  Living together with them does not guarantee that when you get married it will definitely last and be happy but it certainly lessens the chances of the marriage ending or becoming a sham.

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