by Elizabeth M Young

Created on: April 27, 2010

Often, we are so busy trying to be what other people want us to be that we forget that we are a "self"! When we are eventually told to "be yourself", we have no ideas about the issue.

It may be that, by a certain age, we have already blended our true selves with our public selves in such a way that we do not have to make very much effort to let go of the public restrictions and adjustments that we place on our behavior and actions. In other words, we have incorporated our postures, ways of speaking and ways of behaving so that we are the same on the job or in public as we are at home.

In some cases, the difference between public or social behavior and behavior in private is so profound that there is some form of mental illness involved. Sociopaths and psychopaths are incredibly adept at hiding their more disturbing sides from people who are later shocked to find out that they were abusive, violent, or even killers. Some individuals have mental illness or substance abuse issues that take away all of their inhibitions, resulting in problematic and even illegal public behavior.

People who operate in jobs that require a very stylized form of behavior, or even that they become another person completely, may have greatly different private personality and behavior. Flight attendants and those who must present a cheerful and outgoing persona on the job might want to relax in private and get rid of that perky and agreeable behavior. Actors and performers who must convince an audience that they are another person entirely will sometimes need time to get back into their own personalities.

An admonition to "be yourself" might be indicative of public or social behavior that is so uncomfortably different from who we really are that others can see the tension and insecurity in our body language, behavior and posture. This often happens when in situations where the others are of a different economic, ethnic, professional, educational or social class and we feel out of place.

Generally, we would like to be at that time in life and in personal security that we can be the same person at home, at work, and wherever we are. But youth and inexperience, feeling out of place, starting a new job, knowing that we can be offensive or inappropriate, or experiencing something strange and new, are examples of situations that will cause us to adopt behaviors that, while they are from ourselves, do not allow us to relax or to behave as we usually do when in private.

Frankly, that is normal behavior. Knowing that we cannot always be offensive or inappropriate is healthy social behavior. Being at our best in special situations is wise. Being a bit on edge in strange situations is good for survival.

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