by Michelle Brutvan

Created on: April 27, 2010

Relationships can be difficult and require a lot of hard work. Identifying when they’re abusive can be just as difficult. To honestly be able to recognize one as abusive oftentimes takes a long time and a lot of effort and knowledge. The biggest task is figuring out the difference between a healthy relationship and an abusive one.

First, it is important to recognize the signs of a healthy relationship. One of the most important attributes of one is open and honest communication. Without that, comes the unraveling of any relationship. Secondly, there should most definitely be respect for one another. If you can’t respect your partner how else can you be able to be open and honest with them? Without these key factors, a relationship could fall apart. It’s not to say necessarily that it will fail, it just might not be as productive and worthwhile.

As for identifying an abusive relationship, comes the awareness of destructive behaviors; either towards oneself or another. Abuse comes in many forms, most notably physical, but we can’t forget about verbal as well as mental/emotional. These forms of abuse rear their ugly head in many ways. Verbal abuse appears as name calling, put-downs, lying, and threats. For some to be able to recognize that they are being verbally abused can be hard, especially if they don’t have a good self esteem. This also applies to the physical abuse as well. Both the verbal and physical abuse can be considered mental or emotional abuse. If they believe they deserve to be treated this way it will continue until it gets bad enough. Some will carry on in these unhealthy environments until it gets quite severe. Eventually even those with the lowest of esteems can eventually grow tired of such mistreatment and eventually fight back in some way. The trick is knowing the “right” or healthy way to deal with it.

In order to know, if one doesn’t already, how to cope with abusive relationships in a healthy matter most often requires professional assistance. This could come in the form of some type of counselor or clergy. Whomever you trust the most and who is best qualified to counsel on these types of scenarios will serve you best. Finding the right person to talk to may be harder for some than others, but as long as you can find someone you trust, you should be able to start the process of learning how to cope with abuse. Education is the best key, as it helps you in areas of your self-esteem and confidence and also helps get you out of harm’s way.

Depending on the severity of the abuse can determine what course of action needs to be taken. In more severe circumstances there might be a need to involve the police if there has been physical abuse. This can be incredibly difficult in most cases as the ones being abused are too ashamed or scared to come forward, for fear of further abuse. What the abused ones needs to know is there are resources out there and the police can help keep you protected and direct you where to go to get help.

It’s sad to say there are a lot of cases of abusive relationships going on. Being that they consist of more than one type of abuse, some may go unnoticed. The most important thing one can do for themselves is to reach out when needed to find a way to help to get out of these damaging situations. My hope is for those who find themselves in any type of abusive relationship, to find the strength and courage to break free and find a better way of life. I know I can speak from experience and share with the world that I overcame an abusive relationship or two and am grateful for the help I received. It now allows me to carry through my life in a more healthy and happy way.

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