by Jan Wright

Created on: April 24, 2010   Last Updated: April 26, 2010

The subject of Sex is an emotionally and physically charged topic. It can elicit emotions from love to fear and open the door to all types of discussions. As a couple, on the brink of advancing your relationship, it  is difficult to know when to discuss having a physical relationship. Many people would suggest (myself included) that a couple enjoy sex after marriage. Even if a couple waits until matrimony, the sexual part of a relationship should still be discussed in great detail before that fateful day. Certain subjects such as contraception, sexually transmitted diseases and children should be essential topics in such conversations. Here are some guidelines to help you know how and when to bring up such delicate subject matter.

*WHY BRING IT UP AT ALL?

The act of having sex has consequences far beyond the instant gratification that it brings to individuals. One should discuss contraception, pregnancy, personal guidelines and boundaries, sexually transmitted diseases and expanding one's emotional connection. Sex is more than a human need. Just because you have pleased many in the past, does not mean that your partner will also enjoy the experience. Each person is an individual with specific desires and needs. It is quite egotistical to think that you just intuitively know "what" your partner wants and "how " to go about pleasing her/him. If you don't talk about sex and only "have sex," you are, in effect, taking a "one size fits all" (pardon the reference) to this pertinent connection. You should be comfortable exposing your own emotions, desires, needs and feelings before you expose your flesh to one another.  

*TALK BEFORE YOU ACT:

It is human nature to desire a physical relationship. Your emotions and desires may be in the forefront and it might feel easier to "act" than to talk about such issues. If you and your partner have already experienced some type of affection such as kissing or cuddling, it is likely that such a relationship will progress. In fact, sometimes, it progresses quite surprisingly quick. It is important to notice your partner's nonverbal language. Usually a couple can tell whether they are both desiring a deeper physical connection. A smile or a lingering embrace will tell your partner that you are enjoying  your interaction and that eventually, it, is probable that you will want to deepen that connection.  Acting first and talking later can cause serious unwanted consequences for the relationship. If you feel

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