by Krystle Hernandez

Created on: February 25, 2007   Last Updated: January 26, 2008

Often, the pain of breaking up with someone you thought was the love of your life can be all consuming, especially if you are the person who has been blindsided by the decision to split. Relationships take work to maintain and if you've been in a relationship for an extended period of time, you've probably invested a lot of time and emotions into making it work. Unfortunately, not all relationships are bound to work out. If things have gotten difficult between you and your partner and they want out, then you must ask yourself how much you want to be with someone who isn't going to be able to make it through life's ups and downs with you. Do you want to be with a quitter? Of course not! You deserve to be with someone who is going to be there with you through thick and thin. So if you've got a potential quitter on your hands, let them go.

So, the question is, how do we deal with this loss? Well, there is often a slew of varying emotions which seem to come in cycles: frustration, anger, sadness, guilt, etc. The only way to get through this grieving period is to try to take the required time to think about why your relationship failed to succeed. Be honest with yourself! We often fall into the trap of self-pity during break ups when we beat ourselves up over the smallest things and seem to thrust our former loves up on a pedestal as we look back fondly on memories with rose-colored glasses. Once you've done this, it is easier to see what factors contributed to the failure. What you learn from this relationship about yourself will be invaluable to you in the future. Relationships allow us to learn a great deal about ourselves, our beliefs, our ideals, and what we can and will not tolerate.

While the concept of love and soulmates may be wonderfully romantic, real relationships are based on much more than just kismet and fate. However, if you are a believer in fate, and you've broken up, then it was your destiny to be apart. If you're a non-believer, be happy that you were able to experience what you did experience together, but be realistic about why it would have probably ended up not working anyway.

Also, remember that you had a life before this person and you certainly have one after. If you ignore your friends and don't go about your daily, customary habits, you are exalting your former partner to a position where they have claim over your life and you don't want to do that. Take control of your life, do the things that you love and that make you happy. It is easy when being in a long term relationship to lose a sense of yourself because you spend so much time worrying about another person's needs. Spend time getting to rediscover yourself and with time all the pain and rollercoaster of emotions will pass.

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