by Lyn Michaud

Created on: April 22, 2010   Last Updated: April 23, 2010

Losing someone you love causes emotional upheaval. Not only do you miss the person, you grieve because you must go on without him/her. Love is sharing your life and provides meaning to life. Love makes you see life from someone else's perspective. The loss also provides a new understanding and forces you to view life with the absence of your loved one's opinion. Memories become the constant reminder of that love, a way to keep that person a part of you.

Appreciating the smaller things

Too often we take even the big events in life for granted. When a loved one is no longer with you, you appreciate all the little things you barely noticed. Her smile when you did something silly. The way his arms cuddled you close when you needed comfort. How she always cheered for your accomplishments. How he listened to your problems. How you could always count on that one person to be there for you. All those little things take on a greater magnitude and you notice them so much more. You can develop a greater capacity to appreciate everyone you meet. You see value in each moment.

Learning self-reliance and being open to new experiences

When we rely on a loved one to fulfill a role in our life, we ignore our own capabilities. Realizing that you are in charge of your own activities of daily living comes as a shock and feels dangerous. You develop new skills and discover new interests and you also learn what doesn't interest you in any way. Love taking care of the vehicle. Hate doing laundry. Enjoy running in the park. Would rather avoid shopping malls. Recycling is easy. Working two jobs to pay the bills is tough. Never again will you take for granted the little things loved ones do for you. You will always remember how your special person cared about you. You understand you own personal strengths.

Expressing thankfulness more frequently

The more you do for yourself, the more you appreciate even the smallest favor or kindness given to you. Everyone loves a compliment. Thank the waiter for making sure you have everything you need to enjoy your meal. Tell someone you care. Give a token gift to someone who does something to make your life easier (cooking a meal, shoveling snow, raking the yard, taking you to shop for groceries, helping you prepare for a competition). Accept small gifts with 'thanks'. Even when you feel alone, your loved one is still with you. Be on the lookout for pennies on the ground, or white pebbles or dandelion blossoms. Any small reminder that makes you think of your loved one is a reminder he/she is always with you. Remember to tell the people you care about, “I love you, thank you for being here for me.”

 Living without regrets

We face our own inevitable deaths and vow to focus on what we want to accomplish. Losing someone you love is a reminder that death is as much a part of life as living. Evaluate goals and decide what are the most important. That promotion at work may no longer be as important as taking your dream holiday. Earning your pilot's license, growing herbs on the windowsill, reading an adventure/romance/scary novel just for fun may take precedence. Making sure you've prepared for the security and stability of others you care about in case you die unexpectedly provides a sense of satisfaction. Every person is different, so don't be surprised if you discover your secret wishes aren't what you've been striving to accomplish. Then give yourself permission to go ahead and enjoy.

Learn more about this author, Lyn Michaud.
Click here to send this author comments or questions.