by Malcolm Toogood

Created on: April 22, 2010   Last Updated: April 23, 2010

The Campaign so far, according to my mate Gary:

‘Ere, have you heard about this new reality show on TV?  Darren and Shardnay was telling me all about it the other night down the boozer.  It’s called “Britain’s Got an Election” or somefink. 

Nah, not that one what picks a dog to dance before the Queen, this one’s dead interesting and it’s only on for about three weeks.  Apparently, it’s all about picking the next bloke to paint the trough what all their mates can keep their noses in for the next five years. 

Whichever one wins gets to paint it his favourite colour.  I missed the first show last Thursday, where we met the three contestants for the first time.  They had some clips of who they are, their families, their mates, and why they want to win the show. 

There’s Gordon; he’s the oldest and his mates all call him ‘Spats’.  He sounds like a bit of a Scottish thug; he’s got some form though, ‘cos him and his mates have been in charge of the trough before.  His favourite colour’s red, and he was given the place on the far right, where he was clearly uncomfortable.

Then we met fresh-faced Nick, the baby of the bunch and well-aware that he’s the outsider, but then this IS reality TV....  His favourite colour’s ochre (rhymes with mocha) and he was lined-up on the far left.

Between them, and obviously more comfortable in the centre, was Dave, a right toff and looking somewhat outside of his comfort zone without his Eton mates egging him on as he has a right old go at the oiks sitting opposite him.  His favourite colour’s blue, and he feels he has the best leadership qualities, ’cos if he wins he’s going to let everybody do his job for him.

In the trailers leading-up to the programme and the film bits, we got an idea of their backgrounds.  We met their wives, well two of them anyway, and their best mates.   Spats lives in a big house in the centre of London with all his mates; loads of ’em going in and out all the time they were.  He got ’em all out in the street though for the camera, but none of ’em seems to be able to say much, not unless Spats has given ’em the nod first anyhows.  

He’s got this big mural thingie in the house of a wheat field what he stands in front of and looks like he’s vibrating all

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