by Nellie Shani

Created on: April 22, 2010

What does obedience really mean and how can parents teach their children to obey? According to the Oxford Dictionary, to obey means to comply with the command, direction or request of a person (in this case, the parents). It also means to behave in accordance with a principle or a law.

God has given parents and guardians the responsibility of teaching their children that in this world they will always encounter laws. Children need to learn that there will always be laws and rules to be obeyed in the normal course of living in this world (E.G driving on the right side of the road, not stealing, not fighting, washing our hands before eating E.T.C) and that there is an unpleasant consequence when laws are not obeyed. They also need to learn that rules are set in place for their protection, when they are old enough to understand this. Parents are to teach this principle first within their homes. The first simple rules are that there is a time to sleep, a time to play and a time to eat. 

Parents need to set down very clear rules about acceptable behavior within their homes, and teach their children to comply with these rules, realizing that without a rule, there cannot be disobedience. A child cannot be accused of disobeying his or her parents where rules have not yet been set and clearly communicated to the child. Children do not control the home or set the rules - The parents do. Once the parents have set the rules, they must also clearly indicate to their children the consequences for disobeying these rules. The onus is on the parents to be consistent in enforcing obedience, and also in enforcing the punishment. 

It is believed that the greatest harm that is done to children, is where there is lack of consistency. One moment Jimmy disobeys his parents and is punished, and the next time he does the same thing and is not punished. As can be expected, this takes a lot of discipline and commitment on the parents’ part. 

When our children were much younger, my husband and I set down rules in our home that we expected our children to obey. When they disobeyed us, we punished them through spanking (three strikes on the butt, and always in private), only after asking them if they knew why we were spanking them. I still remember asking them, “Why am I going to spank you?” We would then wait for them to tell us why we were going to spank them. I remember many times when one of our children would disobey and I would not feel like punishing

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