by Ananda Van Der Westhuizen

Created on: April 18, 2010

Being a career woman, leaving a flourishing career behind me, I patiently waited for the time to pass. Staying home with my oldest child, tending to him and seeing him grow and develop opened my eyes to a different world from what I knew. It also brought me face to face with the prejudice and misperceptions of stay at home mothers.

After breaking the news to my employer and fellow colleagues, I was astounded by the amount of ooooh’s and aaaah’s I heard. Although it was purely a practical decision, relocating to a small town a fair distance away in the last trimester of my pregnancy, finding alternative employment was not an option. The longer I stayed home with my child, however, and later children, the more half-heartedly I researched alternative employment.

I also realised that although I were a dead set career woman, breathing fire like the best of them and climbing the corporate ladder, there is more to life than having it all now. I started wondering what the greatest stumbling block for the woman of the 21st century is. Is it money? Is it power?

Next I came face to face with the condescending attitude of fellow corporate women. They skilfully redirect their conversations to subjects that would relate to a stay at home mother. And even later, conversations were limited to text messages from time to time. This was an unexpected turn of events. It cast a shadow over the joy of motherhood for a while.

In the corporate environment, staying at home with the children is a hot subject when a woman takes this bold step. They might be the high fliers or the sharp shooters or the fire breathers, but the gift of a child and the great honour and responsibility brings the woman of the 21st century before these crossroads. I came to this all too soon.

I started thinking about the image that I had of the woman of the 21st century. I believed we were heartless and compassionate – cold and understanding, as well as independent and submissive. In my eyes we were also independent and submissive. A man in woman's clothes with sweet perfume! We were never to get tired. We had complete control over our lives whether it was marriage, family, grocery lists, wardrobe or profit generating ability at the office. Where did staying at home with my children fit into this profile?

Next I asked myself how I perceived the stay at home mother. Until then I thought she was weak and pathetic. I also thought she was nobody that wants to be somebody. She was somebody that

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