by Matt Bird

Created on: April 16, 2010

Several years ago, I worked for Wal-Mart. What started as an overnight, temporary renovation job eventually transformed into a year-and-a-half long stint in the wireless department, selling phones for Rogers, Telus, Virgin Mobile and Fido.

And, no surprise, some funny things happened during my tenure. A lot of painful things as well, but there was a fair amount of fun. That said, the funniest thing to happen to me at Wal-Mart happened well before I ever started working there.

It was Christmas, or rather a few weeks away. And, as is typical for early December, the stores were absolutely packed with people. A wall-to-wall bonanza of grumpy, rushed, desperate souls all trying to grab that one special present to prove they cared for someone else. And since most people were going for the same range of products, there was plenty of mayhem. Not a glimmer of Christmas spirit.

My friend had asked me if I wanted to go shopping with him, and I agreed. Why not? Most of my shopping was already done - I tend to get it over with in mid-November, as I hate waiting in long lines - and I had a free day.

Besides, I like going into stores near Christmas. So long as I'm not buying anything, that is. Those who are chained to their obligations are made mad, but I, I was free to cavort about as I pleased, watching my friend contend with shoppers bearing less manners than a Mongol horde. It's kinda fun seeing people act so ill to one another. (Somehow I doubt this is a universal sentiment.)

I wasn't disappointed by the showing at the Scarborough Town Centre. Packed, practically overflowing with customers, the mall glowed with foul energy. I was in my element, and as we wandered in through the movie theatre entrance I rubbed my hands in glee. By the time we plowed our way to Wal-mart I was nearly satiated by the wicked sentiments of those around me, those grim-faced, screaming and yelling and cursing patrons who'd come so far only to discover their efforts were in vain, that someone else had picked up the last copy of Finding Nemo or crock pot in the store moments earlier.

We weaved through the crowded aisles of Wal-Mart, I gleeful, my friend not so much. He had to buy a movie for his girlfriend (I can't for the life of me remember which) and so we had to go to electronics. That was fine with me, as I adore anything electronic (well, love-hate, I suppose) and wanted dearly to see what was left of the video game cabinets.

Electronics bore the thickest of the crowds, which was no big

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