by Krissandra Claire Aguilus

Created on: April 15, 2010

I was already comfortably lying on my bed and ready to sleep when I remember I am alone in our flat. Everyone went home for the weekends. Nagging thoughts came into my mind. Am I 100% sure I locked the door? (When I am very much aware that I checked it 3x before I went to bed). Should I get that piece of wood beside me just in case someone breaks in? Did I close the lights outside? Did I unplug the TV? Oh my my my it might over heat and start a fire. And it went on and on, until I finally got up and checked everything AGAIN.

Again as i was preparing to sleep i had a flash back. I remember as I was growing up I had habits which I do not usually see to girls my age. You see I am keeping a diary since I was 10 while all my playmates are so busy playing dolls, i am writing my feelings and events. I love books and when I buy, I put labels, my name and the date I bought it. I arranged them according to genre and height. Years passed and my books since I was 10 are still in my bookshelf looking like as if I just bought them yesterday.

So many thoughts are bugging me. How can I ever sleep peacefully? Finally I was in dreamland but oops I was again half awake and another thought came into mind. Was my answer in that exam right? Was it really hyperthyroidism? Ok I’ll just check tomorrow. My eyes are widely shut but my mind is busy. OK! OK! I will check NOW. So there, I gave in, I turned all the lights on and browsed the book just to check if my answer is right. Oh, did I just turn the lights on with my elbow? Oh yes I did. Not unless I want to wash my hands for the nth time. Just like what I do when I twist the doorknobs with my bare hands. (That is why I use tissue at times. Just to lessen the number of times I wash my hands.)

I took up nursing and I came across Obsessive-compulsive disorder. I am probably suffering mild OC. That could explain why I sometimes pour alcohol at the toilet seat. Why I am not comfortable if my bag is not beside me, the contents ranging from pens, toothbrush, sanitizer and make-up to things such as scissors. It can also explain why I am so stressed if certain night rituals are altered such as long showers. Or why I have my own spoon and fork at home and how disappointed I am when someone else uses them. How I become upset when I find my things not exactly the way I left them.

Tic tac tic tac tic tac.. I am still wide awake, one thought lead to another. I did deep breathing and smiled. Hey, I am a nurse and I am determined to help myself manage this mild OC. And with that I slept.

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