by Arlene Hauben

Created on: April 15, 2010   Last Updated: April 17, 2010

The first thing a woman should understand before getting married is that being married has nothing to do with romance.  When a woman decides to marry her man, she is taking a momentous step towards building a permanent partnership with a good friend who will support her emotionally and physically, and treat her with respect. 

Bear in mind that any relationship changes as life goes on, and it is possible that the man you marry in your 20s or 30s will not satisfy your needs in your middle and senior years. There is no guarantee, no matter how much in love you think you are.

When you decide to marry, you have to be realistic. Take off the rose-colored glasses and assess your man in an objective light.  Don't be blinded by last night's  passion, because chances are it won't last. Even if your sex life maintains a glow, it will take on different hues of meaning. 

A healthy marriage requires bonding. If you are lucky, the two of you will grow closer and if over the next 50 years there are times when you drift apart, that is normal.  Alan Alda, the actor, said, "Love and life comes in waves, with ebbs and flows."

When there are arguments and disagreements, don't be too quick to give up on the relationship.  It may only be a sign for discussion and getting reacquainted with your same old partner, lover, and friend. 

Before you walk down the aisle, ask yourself these questions about the man in your life and make no excuses for the behavior patterns you observe:

Is your man of good character - honest, responsible, and caring?  Does he show respect to his parents, siblings, and friends?  If the answers are decidedly no, then you might be making a mistake.

Does your boyfriend or fiancé lie and exaggerate to his friends?  If he does this on a regular basis, to the point of annoyance, it could be a red flag.  It is a sign of immaturity and low self-esteem.

Is your man generous of spirit and willing to pay for his share?  There are many wealthy men who keep their assets all to themselves and share nothing or little.  If he wants you to pay for the plane tickets and hotels, it might be a reason to call off the wedding.

Both husband and wife should be able to contribute financially to the household until children come along. If you are a successful woman and have significant amounts of money in the bank, watch out for gold diggers or men who shirk responsibility.  Money is the cause of most divorces, so be concerned about finances.  Don't think that asking questions about finances is unromantic.   

Does your chosen man satisfy you in the bedroom?  Even if he is no expert, he should be open to suggestion. You have a right to be satisfied.

Do you and your man have common interests and a similar value system?  If he wants to live in a log cabin in Montana and you want to live on Park Avenue in Manhattan, you may not be compatible.  

Being married means having a live-in companion and partner. You won't have to worry anymore about a New Year's Eve date, but do you enjoy his company?  Is it fun just to be alone with him watching TV or going out for a cheap dinner?

Before you sign the marriage contract, ask yourself:  Is this someone I want to grow old with?  Am I comfortable with this man?  Do I want to kiss him in the morning and at night? 

At the altar of love, there is no way of knowing for sure if a marriage will be happy and last a lifetime.  We can only take a leap of faith and keep our wits about us.

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