by Don Sylvester

Created on: April 15, 2010   Last Updated: April 16, 2010

April 15 used to be known as the day your taxes were due. Most people looked forward to this day as much as they would a root canal. But it is now celebrated in the media as “Tax Day”, as if it were a national holiday.

So why hasn’t Hallmark invented Tax Day greeting cards? You could send your Mom a card saying “Thinking of you on this special day. All the taxes you paid for me, Mom, will never be forgotten. May your future be filled with deductions. Love, your favorite personal exemption”. 

Why doesn’t ProFlowers.com offer a half-dozen roses for Tax Day?  Anyone would understand that you could only afford half a dozen on this day. The card can say ” To my wife (or sweetheart), I love you with 50% of my heart. The IRS withheld the rest”.   

The retailers could also capitalize on a Tax Day holiday. “On sale now through Tax Day” or “Buy one, get one free! Tax Day savings are here for you!” Think what this could do for the economy – consumer confidence would soar, accelerating consumer spending, lifting retail sales, reducing inventories, spurring industrial production, increasing profits and creating jobs. We could create an economic boom from this excitement!

What we also need are theme songs for Tax Day. How about Bruce Springsteen’s “Taxed in the USA”,  Michael Jackson’s “Tax It”,  the Bee Gees’ “Tax Fever”, or  “Taxing on Empty” by Jackson Browne, “We Won’t Get Taxed Again” by the Who, or “Every Tax You Take” by the Police.

Sports teams can also get in on the fun. Imagine “1040 Night” at the ballpark. Bring your 1040 to the park and get a free beer. How about bobble-head night? Paying customers receive a free Barack Obama or Tim Geithner bobble-head doll with your team’s logo imprinted on it. Or Tax Day tee shirt night – the shirt has Joe Biden’s likeness imprinted on the front and the American flag and the phrase “Real Patriots Pay Taxes” printed on the back.

Churches should be open for worshipers to come by and give thanks for their tax exempt status. Government offices and banks should be closed of course. Government employees need to rest after expending so much energy collecting those taxes and spending them (along with some taxes that were NOT collected). The banks – well, they are the banks. They close for any holiday.

Television networks can promote Tax Day with their little 15 second spots featuring the network news team. “From all of us at CNN, have a very Happy Tax Day”. The nightly anchors will have the day off  “in observance of Tax Day”. In Washington, the President and First Lady will conduct the ceremonial lighting of the Tax Day Tree. The tree will be decorated with little replica cutouts of IRS Form 1040 with names of taxpayers written on them, like “Jim T. from Iowa City -  paid $3,475”.

So let’s all get out and vote for a new national holiday. It’s your patriotic duty!

Learn more about this author, Don Sylvester.
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