by Jed Eane

Created on: April 14, 2010

Our bodies play a very large part in communication. Research suggests that our body language accounts for around 55 percent of communication, while what we actually say—our words—contribute a meager seven percent (the remaining 38 percent is made up by the tone, speed, and inflection of our voice). So when it comes to wanting to make a good first impression, perhaps it’s not just about how we look and the words we use; maybe we’re missing a trick in not exploiting our body language to let that certain someone know we’re interested.

The way that we look at others depends on our relationship to them. We tend to look at those people we’re unfamiliar with from eye to eye and across the bridge of the nose. We look at the people we are familiar with—friends and family—from eye to eye too, but we also take in the lower part of their face including their nose and mouth. Once we start flirting with someone we’re interested in, our gaze widens and drops even further, and we start including parts of their body in our line of vision. If this flirting increases then we’ll spend more time looking at them from eye to eye and at their mouth. So if your date is looking at you intensely and his gaze drops often to your mouth, then things are looking good. Similarly, if you want your date to know you're interested, then this is the way to go!

Pointing is a form of positive body language that indicates interest. Not overt pointing with our fingers, but subconscious pointing with our hands, arms, feet, and toes. We do this subconsciously to make our intentions known, and others pick up on it on at a subconscious level. Also, facing your body towards the person you’re interested in can send positive signals. This form of positive body language shouldn’t be too difficult to express if you and your date are facing each other across a table.

Our pupils dilate when we see something—or someone—we like, as does the rate at which we blink. Try increasing your blinking rate when looking at your date (in as natural a way as possible!) to see if he or she tries to match you. “Mirroring” is another form of positive body language and acts as an effective bonding process. The theory behind mirroring is that we like those people who are like us, so to see someone doing what we’re doing gives us the feeling that they’re on the same level as us and feeling what we’re feeling. Be cautious of mirroring someone in a comical mimic-type way though; the art is to mirror the essence of what someone is doing.

Raising our eyebrows when we see someone is another positive gesture. If that person is attracted to us then he or she will also raise their eyebrows. This might be difficult to notice as it happens in a flash. It’s an unconscious act and one that is carried out by every culture on earth. If you want to make sure someone gets the message that you’re interested then keep your eyebrows raised for just that second longer while maintaining eye contact.

If your date avoids eye contact, then take care as this could mean that he or she is not telling the truth. If your date's hands touch any part of his or her face, throat or mouth then this could be another signal. However, experts say that we should take at least four examples of body language into consideration when determining someone’s true intentions, so don’t judge purely on one incidence. For example, if someone sits with their arms folded across their chest it might not mean that they’re being defensive, it could just be an indication of how effective the air conditioning in the restaurant is!

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