by Cheryl Barnette

Created on: April 13, 2010

As we mature in our relationships, and often times when we become physically debilitated in some aspects, we sometimes lose the ability to perform and engage in gratifying sexual activity. The mind is there, but the body is not willing nor very cooperative in participation. Where did the passion go? Marital aids may be needed, such as the lovely little blue pill, but where did the passion go? If my lover were to lose their ability to perform sex and become unable to engage in any sexual dalliances at all, that could never make me stop loving that person. If passion here is equal to sex, then I believe you can still have love without passion, and there's no little biue pill for passion; it just occurs and presents itself on the spur of the moment. You can't wait until passion arrives; it's either there or it isn't.

In my former life, I believed in the sacred vows that were proposed and created for a couple within their church or congregation who were to be wed forever and ever, "til death do us part." Forever is such a long time, and our lives are purposely and proposed to be created for enjoyment and peace. Sexual healing is not just a cliche sung by Marvin Gaye, but it is a true art. But because my lover cannot perform regularly with me, or create the passion of the past, I couldn't nor would I every stop loving him. I would hope that we would come to an understanding and a place where this sensitive issue could be hashed out.

The word "debilitate" is described as a weakness or infirmity. In my "New International Webster's Standard Dictionary, this word is in close proximity to the word "debauchery", but that's where the proximity and similarity ends. Debauchery means "excessive indulgence in sensual gratification" and immediately we dwell on images of depravity and lust. It also means to indulge in revelry, which means celebration. I say in the name of love, find a way to revel and debauch until the cows come home. If I weren't able to please my partner, I would only hope that he would take a lover that could please him. If I didn't have the ability to please him the way he wanted to be pleased sexually and passionately, I would offer him suggestions and alternatives, or get us both involved in master-minding some sensual and tactile play. There would be no unfaithfulness nor infidelity to contend with, and less likelihood of suicide pacts in the long run and domestic violence induced murders. Passions are very intense emotions. I believe I can still love and have intense emotion for my partner, and if the tables were turned, I would hope he would feel the same requited passion for me.

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