by Krissandra Claire Aguilus

Created on: April 10, 2010   Last Updated: April 11, 2010

BROKENHEARTED GIRL

I sound like a broken cd whenever I open up the topic about me being brokenhearted. Everytime I get the chance, I jumped right in to embrace my brokenness publicly.

Ironically I am a late bloomer I did not commit to a serious relationship until I graduated college. Sure I went out for dates but I always end up realizing that the guy is a jerk so I never really fell so deeply in love. I said I was independent, resilient and bubbly I would not consider a heartbreak brutally painful. But when I met the guy I loved with my whole heart, everything changed.

 I almost had everything I wanted in a relationship. I felt loved, I felt beautiful and he showed me how a woman should be treated. We had a wonderful time together. And during those times I let him be my world, my only one, I became independent. He makes decisions for me, even on what clothes to wear, what bag I shouldn’t use or what food that I should and shouldn’t eat. We do all things together and we have so many dreams and we were planning them together. And everyday seem to be like an adventure, we both have a big love for life! I felt I was being pampered and babied. I was not aware that I was losing a part of myself. And when the relationship ended I felt like I was a baby again, so lost and so confused.

It was a day to day struggle. The first week, I couldn’t eat and I thought it only happens in the movies. But no, I was sitting and staring at the food, so ashamed that I was so weak I cannot swallow anything. I felt like I was choking. At night I couldn’t sleep, I fear that I might dream of him and when I wake up it would double the pain knowing it was just a dream. I fear that I would again wake up in the middle of the night and experience the chest crushing pain leaving me breathless. I dreaded the nights. It crashed my world. Smiling has been a pleasure because all I can do is frown all day. The pain is unbelievable. I wonder how my heart tolerated it. I cry for the same reason over and over again.

HOW DID I COPE?

My life has been upside down for quite a long time. I lost myself during the time I was wallowing, moping and sulking around.

Until I realized I am still young and my life couldn’t possibly be over just because I lost him. My family and I are religious so everyone helped me how I could leave my worries into His hands believing God is going to be in control. I remember that it has always been included in my prayers “if he is

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