by Ronnie Dauber

Created on: April 09, 2010   Last Updated: April 11, 2010

Children don’t always express their emotions or their fears in ways that adults can understand them, and sometimes they ask for things that we feel are foolish. Parents need to know what their child is really saying.

Has your child ever asked to stay home from school for no apparent reason? Did you send them anyway or were you able to see through their smokescreen and learn the reason behind the question?

Maybe they’re just tired and want to stay home and sleep – and that can be reason enough because a lack of sleep can negatively affect their ability to learn and participate at school. Or maybe they didn’t get their homework done or are not prepared for a test. It might not seem like a legitimate reason to stay home, but then again, maybe it’s the best reason.

As adults, we often shrug off these seemingly poor excuses and assume that the children will get over it - and maybe they will. But what if they don’t get over it? What if it’s much more than that?  What if they really have a hidden reason for asking you that?

As parents, it’s crucial that we learn to observe and really hear what is being said beyond the words that are being spoken.  Most young children will not express their problems with any great detail because they believe that we - as their parents - can read their minds and know what they mean.  And of course we can’t, so we need to train ourselves to become observant and aware of what our children are going through.

If their homework is not done, we need to investigate why it’s not done.  Most children would rather play or do pretty much anything except homework, so we need to encourage them and train them to do it. We need to get involved with their time and train them, and in time they will develop a responsibility to do it on their own.

The best way to help them do this is to schedule a routine that gives them adequate time to do their homework. But it also gives them time to play or to be with the family. Schedules are addictive and can produce great results.

Perhaps we need to get involved and help them with their homework by explaining the lesson a bit more or giving them an example so they can understand it. This bit of extra help may be just the thing for them to be able to keep up with the class. Ignore it, and it may be the thing that causes them to fall behind or fail.

And then, of course, there’s a possibility that they really are not able to

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