by C. William White

Created on: April 08, 2010

Say The Word

Cal sat pensively in front of the fireplace in his study, staring quietly at all the books on the shelves. He wished he could copy some of the wise words in them; maybe it would make things easier—maybe not. What he was about to have to do would require strength and grace under pressure, neither of which he was ready to show at the moment.

It had been two weeks since he had been to the hospital for a bout of dizziness, a mere four hours since his doctor had phoned with the results of his battery of tests.  Since then, thoughts had whirled like a panicked circle in his mind.  There were not words in the dictionary to define the turmoil of his emotions.  He wanted his wife to know everything; it was only fair as they had always been honest with each other throughout their fifteen year marriage.  The negative outcome of the test results had staggered him, though, and he searched in vain, idea to idea, for the right words.

"I’m strong," he thought.  "I’ll fight this thing."

The fight had not yet begun, however, and there were only a few vague glimpses of what the future might bring.  Uncertainty and fear had taken the upper hand for tonight.

"Will I see our daughter graduate high school? Or be there to give away her hand in marriage?  Stop, stop, stop. Too far in the future to even consider," Cal thought to himself.  "I just need to put out on the table what I know to be facts and we’ll go from there."

He felt himself regaining some sense of composure, and his heart was not racing as it had been a few minutes ago.  He was regaining his inner strength, and holding up with grace under pressure no longer seemed as far in the distance as it had once been before.

He walked over to the end table and poured a tumbler of scotch from the crystal decanter.  Although he didn't need to find courage in a bottle, he welcomed its smooth and relaxing warmth as it spread through him.  As he sipped the amber liquid, he thought of an old saying: "A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step."

“Sylvia, I have something to tell you…”

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