by Susan Lower

Created on: April 08, 2010

When John asked Jane to marry him the sounds of wedding bells came to a screeching halt as Jane thought about her family. She could imagine her older sister taking charge and telling her what she could and couldn’t do just as she always did for everything else. Then there would be John’s sister who wouldn’t like the color of her dress or who she was paired up with, and before she knew it, Jane felt a headache coming on.

How were they ever going to plan a wedding with their not-so-perfect families to mess up their special day?

Like most brides, Jane’s fears are not uncommon. One of the hardest things a bride must overcome while planning a wedding is accepting there are no perfect weddings, nor perfect families. Perfect is like beauty – in the eye of the beholder.

All too soon, as the engagement ring sparkles in the light, brides are bombarded with unsolicited advice from well intended family members. Family feuds, confrontations, and even separation between the happy couple are known to happen during the stressful time of planning a wedding with a not-so-perfect family.

The best way to avoid feuds, confrontations, and periods of isolation is to plan ahead. It is always wise for a couple to sit down together and discuss their expectations of their wedding day and strategize according to strengths and weakness of their family members, much like a coach on game day.

If you know Uncle Fred has a tendency to drink, assign another family member to keep him away from the bar during the reception. When your cousin Marsha lets her kids run up and down the church aisle, have an usher quietly put them in their seats with a box of crayons and a coloring book. Keeping the peace with a not-so-perfect family can be a difficult undertaking for anyone, unavoidable, and at times necessary.

It’s hard to be polite when family members appoint themselves as wedding planners, coordinators, and experts on what type of wedding should occur between a couple. That’s where one must stick to their beliefs, desires, and stand tall against unwanted developments in the wedding planning stages. Just because one family member looks better in pink, doesn’t necessary mean the rest of the wedding party will too.

There will always be that one family member that can’t be pleased and will threatened not to show up unless it’s on their terms. Don’t be intimidated. Their loss is your gain. They will either show up and complain leaving

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