by Pam Hilts

Created on: April 07, 2010   Last Updated: April 08, 2010

My mother passed over ten years ago and I still miss her.  Mother’s day is a great day to honor her, keep her memory alive, and pass some family history to future generations.  There are many ways to invite her spirit join the family on this most-appropriate day.  Ideas here are not designed for grief, but to celebrate her contribution to your family. 

#1:  At the Mother's Day dinner table, start with the smallest child and ask them to tell a special story about their mother.  Have them to say a few words about why they appreciate and love their mother.  As your turn arrives you will have an opportunity to share your story, perhaps a story your children or grandchildren have never heard before.  The real-life example brings the decedent, if only for a moment, back to life.  It offers family members who may not remember or who have never met your mother a special chance to meet her.

#2:  Include at the table or in the house a bouquet of flowers that were of her favorite type.  Cook a dish that was her special recipe.  Nothing brings the senses alive like tastes and smells.  Scientifically it is shown that smells illicit a powerful response in the area of our brain that holds our memories. 

#3:  I have a large black onyx ring with a small diamond in the middle.  Occasionally, I will wear it when I want mom to “come along”.  Not just Mother’s Day, but perhaps a day at the zoo with a grandchild she never had the chance to meet.  If the child is old enough to understand death, you can tell them that you brought your mother along with you today and point to her ring or other item you have brought.  This is an opening to tell a small story about your mother and a way to pass her memory onto the next generation.

#4:  Did your mother have a passion?  Donate $20 or $100 dollars to a cause that she held dear to her heart.  Perhaps the family would all like to pitch in a few dollars to make it a family gift to the mother that could not be with you on this special day. 

 #5:  Find five to ten pictures of you and your mother through the years.  Run down to Wal-mart, where making copies of pictures is cheap and easy.  Nab some small, inexpensive photo albums and place the pictures inside.  You might use a sticky-white tab to give a brief story about each picture.  Pass them out to your children or grandchildren.  This way you can share a gift that holds the potential to reach yet another generation. 

Whatever you do, the goal is to invite Mom to join in the celebration.  Help her feel good about being your mother, because if you think she's not listening, then you don't know mothers – dead or alive! 

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