by Paul Schingle

Created on: April 06, 2010

Unfortunately, it's all too often that by the time we figure out not to say anything, we've already said something, which just makes a bad situation worse.  People, as a whole, just have this tendency to believe that everything they have to say is important and that everyone around them needs to hear it.  Of course, we all should know better.  But, we continue to make the same mistakes-and speaking up at the wrong time tends to be a chronic one made by all. 

Of course, the very best time to leave words unsaid is the time you're least likely to take that advice-when you're angry.  Whether speaking to a spouse, another family member or just a friend with whom you're having a temporary disagreement, the words (especially the regrettable ones) just come flying out of the mouth before the filter gets a chance to do its job.  Key topics tend to push the "I wish I hadn't said that" button.  Money and sex (for spouses, especially) can really get the regret machine revved up.  Politics and religion (for other family members, and really, everybody) are another pair.

What's the worst thing you can possibly say to a spouse during an argument?  Speaking in superlatives is one of the worst mistakes married couples make.  "You ALWAYS do this," or "You NEVER say that" are just examples of words said, immediately regretted and ultimately both hurtful and untrue.  Basically, these are the kinds of things said in a moment of anger, without forethought.  They're just blurted out-not thought through.  And, that may just be the key to the whole thing.  Think before you speak.

In addition to speaking when angry, another good time to put on the old "words filter" is when you're trying to be funny.  Believe me, this is one that traps me all the time-probably because I'm pretty sure I'm a laugh riot.  Someone might ask my opinion on something (whether it be political or some other "taboo" subject) and, of course, I'll spout off something equally hilarious and inappropriate.  This is no way to make (or keep) friends.  Again, if you just think it through before speaking, you can save yourself and others a whole lot of pain.

So, when is it best to leave words unsaid?  Speaking out of anger-or just speaking quickly without thinking are a couple of obvious answers.  But, probably the best rule of thumb to work with is: if you think it might be wise to just not say anything, then it probably is.  When in doubt, say nothing.   

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