by Krystle Hernandez

Created on: February 24, 2007   Last Updated: May 03, 2007

Discussing your past with your partner is an extremely essential step of building a strong foundation for your relationship, based on trust and honesty. Although it can be difficult and awkward at first, a conversation (or several conversations) with your partner about your past can vastly benefit your relationship in various ways.

Whether you'd like to admit it or not, your past experiences have shaped you into the person that you are today. Part of getting to know each other is learning about the obstacles and challenges we have met in the past, how we overcame them, and what we learned from them.

When you are able to confidently speak about your past experiences (negative or positive alike), your partner has the opportunity to learn about your true self, and accept the person that you were and the person that you have become. Acceptance is a critical aspect of a successful relationship. If your partner is unable to accept you for the things you have done in your past, then you need to reevaluate your commitment to each other. However, if they do accept your past, your partner's respect for you grows out of the acceptance and admiration they acquire for you as they learn about how you conquered your perceived failures and grew into a better person as a direct result.

Sometimes, hidden or omitted events that have occurred in your personal past have a way of resurfacing, especially when you least expect it and are unprepared. If you have not taken the time to responsibly express your history to your partner, there may be negative consequences if they find something out from someone else.

Having this discussion about your past with your partner is a test of your relationship, and a big one at that. Although you risk losing your partner, who may not be accepting of your past, at the very least you will come out on top. Having the maturity and self-esteem it takes to have this conversation shows your partner the confidence that you have in yourself by having learned from your prior "mistakes" or experiences. In addition, it demonstrates your ability to take responsibility for your own actions and behaviors and expressing what you have learned from them.

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