by Sj Brown

Created on: April 06, 2010   Last Updated: April 07, 2010

Jealousy: It's simply a waste of time

When faced with the possibility of being jealous of anyone (whether it be your sister for getting a new sweater, your girlfriend for being nice to the waiter or your ex for the ability to get over a relationship quicker than you) just ask yourself one tiny question ... can I do anything about this other person's actions by acting jealous? The answer is a resounding "no".

You might think you can control another person with jealousy but in the end it is impossible. That person will eventually get tired of your jealousy and resent you for imposing your domineering ways on them. The fact of the matter is that you are jealous because YOU have insecurities, not necessarily because the other person is doing anything wrong. More often than not, there is a supreme lack of communication between the person getting jealous and the person "causing" the jealousy. When you feel yourself getting jealous, stop. Clarify the situation (i.e. ask if he/she was flirting) and then explain, in a very calm tone, how you perceived the recent situation.

Your sister crimped and saved to buy that new sweater. You could do the same thing in the same amount of time it took you to be jealous. Your girlfriend was simply being nice to the waiter (a tactic you might want to try if you want quick service or a correct order). And, your ex dealt with the grief of a break-up and got over it, just like you should do.

Even if the sister just got lucky and relceved a free sweater, the girlfriend was really flirting and the ex cheated on you - what the major point is here is that YOU can do nothing to THEM by being jealous. So, why waste your time. If your girlfriend is going to flirt, being jealous won't stop her, if your boyfriend is going to cheat, nothing will stop him. If your sister is going to get free sweaters it will happen regardless of you. So, it is all about how YOU decide you will behave and react to life's issues.

Reacting by being jealous shows immaturity and insecurity as well as low-self esteem. Be happy for others, be happy with yourself and live and let live without jealousy. When you feel yourself starting to get jealous of someone or something, take a step back and think, "is there anything I can do to get the thing that that person has" -  if the answer is no, then take a moment and think about a strategy/plan to obtain the item. Or ask yourself "is that person really hurting me by flirting"? If the answer is no, then is it really worth hurting other people's feelings over a misunderstanding?

Step back, think about the situation you think you are jealous about, and then react in a way that will not make you look insecure, unable to communicate or lacking self-esteem. YOU are too good of a person to get jealous!

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