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Why affairs are hard to get out of

by Emma Mcgregor

Created on: April 04, 2010

I am the last person you would imagine getting involved in an affair of any sort. My father left my mother for his mistress because she fell pregnant with his child. I was tortured after the break-up of my marriage by tales of my ex-husband's dalliances with other women. There are probably those who would even say that becoming involved in an affair is a way, albeit subconsciously, of revenging myself on those who had hurt me, by doing the same thing they had. I don't buy this however. If only life were so simple.

When I met the man in question, it was on a night out with work colleagues. I was single, had been for over a year and happily so. I wasn't on the hunt for another man and certainly one who wasn't available in the first place. I was introduced to him by a colleague because of a mutual interest that we appeared to share in body modification. The attraction was instant. As he appeared older, and he is being 36 to my 27, I did my usual check for a wedding ring, which drew a negative. As we talked and flirted, it must have drawn the attention of my co-worker because she took me to one side to warn me that he was married. My first reaction was to try and distance myself from him because as far as I was concerned he was off-limits. But I still found myself drawn to him and as the night progressed and our sobriety was slowly replaced with drunkenness he ended up at my house. But in a fit of conscience I decided it would be better if he slept on the sofa and our only impropriety was a goodnight kiss. In hindsight however I think that may have been a decision that got the ball rolling on the course to where we are now. If we had slept together that night it may have simply been put down to a drunken one-night stand, never to be repeated. But the seeds were sown, even though nothing had actually taken place, and we got back in contact with one another.

At present, our relationship isn't physical. The affair is of the sort that would be termed ’emotional’. When he does visit we sit with distance between us and only kiss when he is going out of the door. Not because we don't want to be intimate. The chemistry between us is more powerful than any I've felt for a long time. But it seems neither of us are in a hurry to move things along to a physical conclusion. And that may prove to be my undoing. If it were purely physical it would be far easier for me to say “sorry, I can't do this any more” and walk away. Yes, if the sex was good

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