by L.S. Watts

Created on: April 04, 2010

One of the biggest complaints parents have about children’s behavior is their lack of listening skills. For many children, this is actually a learned behavior. In several cases the parents have unknowingly set the stage for this undesirable behavior.

First let’s look at why some kids exhibit poor listening skills. The number one reason is the power struggle between you and your child. Children tend to test their limits as they struggle for independence. For some children, especially preteens and teens, it can be a sign of rebellion.

Self-esteem could play a role in your child’s unwillingness to listen to you. Perhaps they feel as though they won’t meet your expectations or will disappoint you in some way so why try. Parents don’t encourage and praise kids enough. This could cause your child to doubt their own abilities or feel unappreciated. Depression and low self-esteem can lead to laziness and the unwillingness to try.

Not listening effectively and doing as they are told could also result in parent being inconsistent or poor disciplining habits. If you tend to bribe your child you are sending the message that they should always get something out of it. Many times bribes are of a material nature which creates self-absorbed, materialistic kids.

Just allowing your child to ignore you has sent a message to the child that they really don’t have to do as they are told because you will drop it if they ignore you. Many parents get frustrated when the child ignores their request and will fall into the trap of repeating the request over and over. Even worse, several parents will even raise their voice in frustration expecting to be heard. This is simply ineffective because you want your child to listen without the tension.

When your child exhibits a lack of listening skills, could it be because they are busy doing something else? This could be watching television, talking on the telephone, or playing video games. How well do you listen to others when you are absorbed in a project or other activities? Your child may not be ignoring you on purpose, they might just be distracted.

Stress is another leading factor to not listening or displaying “selective” hearing in some children. In some cases, stress from school or extracurricular activities can weigh heavy on a child. However, the leading cause of stress can come from within the home. If there is frequent yelling, abuse of any kind, or some sort of family trauma, your child may be too distracted to pay attention.

The type of parent you are may be the reason behind your child’s failure to listen. Children tend to tune out parents who are long-winded, and come off sounding judgmental and preachy.

Sometimes failure to listen to you may be caused by a medical reason. This could be simply that they don’t feel good. It could also mean that your child could have a legitimate hearing loss. Take your child to a physician to test their hearing is probably a good idea. Once medical reasons are ruled out, you can look at the other reason why your child isn’t listening to you.

Identifying what is the cause of your child’s inability to listen and follow directions is the first step to fixing the problem. It is hard to come to a solution if you don’t know the cause of the problem. Once you have identified the reason, you are on the way to fixing it. For tips on how to help your child listen better, visit this website.

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