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The notion that women in general have a difficult time being aggressive in bed is a stereotypical myth. Many women do not have this problem at all and are completely confident in their powers of seduction and their sexual expertise. That being said, it seems that there is a portion of the female population that actually didn't get the Sex and the City memo which liberated women of all bedroom restraints and dismissed the male-minded myth that women do not talk about sex, fear sex, and avoid sex.

Quite the opposite is true, even for many women who feel that they are not "aggressive" in bed. The truth is that society places a huge paradoxical burden on women. We are expected to be demure, standoffish, protective, and modest at all times, except during sex. At this point, men want women to suddenly transform from seemingly pure, wholesome, beautiful works of art to lust inducing pleasuring machines in 2.5 seconds or less. As the critically acclaimed Atlanta rapper, Ludacris, put it, men want, "a lady in the streets but a freak in the sheets."

The current trend in shows like Sex and the City, in which women talk primarily about sex, may be causing an increase in societal acceptance of the sexual nature of women, however, there is certainly no decrease in the use of labels like "slut" or "whore." So, we must ask ourselves how much progress we are actually making? Are we still revering virginity and purity as a society? Or, are we hoping for a change in the way women and their sexuality are perceived as a whole?

When is it ok to be sexual? When is it not ok to be sexual? These are the kinds of questions that are running through women's heads in the moments before or during sex. This over-analysis not only kills the mood, it is quite possibly one of the reasons why women are less "aggressive" than men in the bedroom, as they try to walk the fine line between lady and freak.

The conjuncture that men are natural aggressors may be true in the biological sense, as they obviously have more testosterone in their systems; however, this statistic fails to take into account the concept of "nurture" in the whole nature vs. nurture theory. Most men have had their fair share of experiences in life and are often intimidated by women, fearful of their inability to please, and hampered by a slew of other issues in the form of emotional baggage. So, while women may be wondering whether their cellulite is visible, men are worrying that they can't make her orgasm.

My theory? Women think too much. We think before we have sex, we think while we're having sex, and we definitely think about what just transpired after the fact. However, men don't think, men just do. They are visual creatures who are turned on at the drop of your panties, cellulite or no cellulite. And while they may have initial concerns about the size of their little soldiers, this fear dissipates as soon as you've given him the go-ahead.

Both men, and women, have the capability to lead in the bedroom. Sexual aggression, on the part of both individuals involved, comes naturally when there is a certain level of trust and acceptance between them. If you don't trust yourself or accept your own desires, how can you believe that you will naturally trust and accept the desires of your partner?

Learn more about this author, Krystle Hernandez.
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