by Kenneth Gregory Smith

Created on: April 03, 2010

  The roots of sexual addiction begin with a person's attempt to use sex to escape from emotional or relational pain. The sexually-based escape then becomes extremely pleasurable and  difficult to stop. There is always something unhealthy going on in the life of a sexual addict. Either their present relationship is unsatisfactory, or the person still has unresolved issues from  family-of-origin abuse and neglect (usually both are the case). .

   Let's take the case of a man in a troublesome marriage. He is not getting his needs met in a healthy manner in the marriage. He and his wife are escalating in their conflict or are beginning to avoid each other. The man feels lonely and frustrated. One night he is on the computer and decides to look up some Internet pornography. The images are immediately appealing! The feelings are pleasurable and now he is on his way to becoming addicted to pornography.

  This man's parent's marriage was also troublesome. He observed a lot of conflict growing up. He never really learned how to resolve conflict or achieve emotional intimacy with his spouse. His sexually addictive thoughts and behaviors produce a false intimacy. After all, the women he looks at are so attractive, they always smile, and are always available.

  A person's childhood contributes to sexual addiction. Sexual addicts attempt to escape family wounds. For example, a child who is inappropriately touched can begin to associate sexual touch with love and attention (particularly if they are not getting wholesome attention at home). This association between sexual compulsion and love continues into adulthood.

   The wound of neglect is especially painful. A child who is neglected looks for attention somewhere and that "somewhere" can end up being promiscuous behavior. Such behavior turns into compulsion when the person begins to believe that the only way needs for attention can be fulfilled is through sex.

   The sexual addict's family-of-origin often displayed poor boundaries. As a child, the addict may have observed his father reading Playboy magazines or his mother parading around the house wearing skimpy clothing. This child grows up not knowing what appropriate sexual boundaries are.

    Sexual addiction, like any other addiction, has its roots in personal shame and emotional pain. Sexual compulsion becomes a convenient way to medicate and escape from the pain. In order for recovery to take place, the sexual addict must identify and resolve the underlying issues.

  

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