by Elizabeth M Young

Created on: March 30, 2010   Last Updated: May 23, 2010

The saddest interactions with other humans is not with those who are suffering, but with those who lack empathy. Empathy is the source of compassion and many do not have the capacity to demonstrate or to experience empathetic responses to others. This can be due to mental or other emotional illness, from congenital disorder, or from traumatic life experience, but an inability to have some form of empathy for others is a truly sad disorder.

Understanding that other people have problems with life or problems in life is the other source of compassion. Many lack the ability to make the leap from judgement to compassion for many reasons, some selfish, others from ignorance and others from prejudice or bigotry. 

If we do not have some disorder or malformed mindset, the first step to enhancing our natural and biological imperative to show compassion lies in understanding that a person is suffering and in knowing the levels of suffering. A homeless person who is filthy or who clearly has been that way for a while will evoke a different level of compassion than that for a wealthy person who has not lost everything.

The road to judgemental thinking leads away from the process of developing compassion. It leads to resentment, anger and avoidance through self justification. But judgemental thinking is a protective mechanism. It helps us to separate the fakers and predators from those who are truly suffering.

 Anger over substance abuse, refusing to participate in programs that help the long term homeless and insisting on begging in the streets can cloud the fact that the individual is in need. The fact that any money will probably be used for drugs or alcohol is the truth about the catastrophic nature of addiction. At the same time it represents the ability of humans to put self indulgence ahead of self preservation.

Our own problems in life can cloud our ability to spare our resources for others.

Guilt and shame are unfair consequences of having to put our own needs ahead of the needs of others. The smallest gesture of kindness is free of charge. Grand and great gestures of charity, sympathy or support are not always possible. A false or exaggerated sense of guilt at not being able to do more for others is a road to building up defensive resentment of others who are in need. Giving ourselves a break and reducing our demands on ourselves frees us up to give what we can without developing feelings of disappointment, resentment

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