by Kartika Sofyan

Created on: March 29, 2010

Everybody hears, but not everybody necessarily listens. Hearing is an everyday casual activity, which in connotative implies unintentionally. Listening is an activity one should learn and practice to master. It's intended to gather more inputs rather than casual hearing. You can hear noises, but if you listen carefully you’ll hear music. You hear noises, but if you listen carefully, someone is telling you a story. And just because someone has a quiet personality, does not directly give sort of conclusion that he's a good listener.

A good listener gives you a sense of amenity. You would feel welcomed instead of feeling that you're doing a monologue. The following hints might help you to recognize a good listener:

Full Attention

A good listener would stop what he's doing in order to listen. This is a sensitive response, and meant to focus and give you a full attention. Multitasking a listening activity with something else is not only will decrease the information input –as we already only able to remember about 20% to 50% of the information— but also disrespecting the speaker.

Body Language and Eye Contact

The most prominent attitude of a good listener is the eye contact. Good listener is aware of the importance of observation. As he listens, a good listener will look into your eyes. He focuses on you. In addition, to signify that he understands what you're saying, he might calmly delivers “u-huh,” or “hmm” as he nods.

Tone of voice

Another reason why you would feel comfortable when disclosing to a good listener is because he uses a soothing tone of voice. This helps you to calm down. Relaxation provided easier access to speak out your thoughts and feelings.

Clarification

When a good listener doubts that he understands your point, he would ask for clarification, or rephrase your sentences to confirm whether he got it right. Thus confirmation is needed to prevent misinterpreting the information. In a pause he might ask about how you feel or what you think of the situation. This is an effort to thoroughly understand your circumstances.

Patience

A good listener shows patience. When people feel they acknowledge the topic, or had similar experience, they tend to rush on giving opinions. Good listener wisely holds their comments, opinions, or advices until the speaker is finish talking. He also takes time to consider what and how to share.

Relieving End

A good listener does not always have good advice in the end. A good listener will not always be agreeing with your arguments, but he'll fairly understand the whole situation and the main point. And the relief comes as you feel being well listened and empathized, plus the fact that someone understands you.

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